Batman, Beyond the Bedroom
by Auntie Margies story time
Summary: Batman just wants to live happily ever after with Robin, but other people have different plans, plans to live happily ever after with Batman themselves! DC and Marvel heroes all come together for cracktastic adventures of love, hatred, revenge, table flips and bike riding. Rated T for Sexual implications and language.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello readers~ This is a story that two people wrote so send your hate mail to the other person(Auntie Honeydew) not me. :3  
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**Thanks for reading! Maybe leave a review?  
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**-Grandma TyperMonkey  
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It was an average day at Wanye Manor. Until a heart-broken monster decided that today should be different. Hulk crashed into the mansion with no remorse, attempting to kill each and every living thing in the rubble. Sadly for this pea-brained, green-skinned monster, no one was home that day. Bruce and Dick had gone to the mall that day to buy Dick a new phone, and Alfred was currently doing butlery things in the city. No one sees or knows of the Hulks destruction.

No one, except for Superman. On his SuperStalker Camera that was SuperSecretly installed in Bruce's bathroom (Bruce still doesn't know), he watched the entire incident. He was boiled with rage, because that was the house he was going to live in with his beloved: Batman. Ohhh, Batman~ His one true love! Batman would realize his own love for Superman soon enough, and even sooner if Superman destroys, er, gets rid of Robin sooner than later. Superman got caught up in his dreamy thoughts of Batman, inducing SuperNosebleeds. 10 minutes later, Superman remembered Bruce's, and soon to be also his, mansion. It was too late to fly. The only thing he could do now: Take the bus! So he did! He ran! Ran to the bus stop, where he thought about Batman and himself in a passionate bundle together, doing passionate things. He didn't notice the scared stares of civilians as more blood than humans carry in their entire bodies came out of his nose.

While sitting on the bus, fantasizing about him and Batman, he noticed a girl, about the age of 17, wearing a Batman shirt. OH, HELL NO. Obviously the only logical thing here was to defend his love for Batman. And that's exactly what he did. Standing up, he punched the girl in the face and screamed. "BATMAN IS MINE, BITCH. I SWEAR, IF YOU COME BETWEEN US, WE WILL BE GOING ON JERRY SPRINGER! AND I WILL PROVE MY LOVE FOR HIM BY HAVING A CAT FIGHT WITH YOU ON NATIONAL TV!" The girl was already dead due to the blow to the head by the man of steel.

"AND I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU ADD HIM ON FACEBOOK." He screamed at the corpse as the bus pulled into his stop. Just as he was about to get off the bus, Superman remembered he had to pay the bus driver. As he reaches for his wallet in his back pocket, he wonders if this is what Batman's butt feels like; all firm and sexy. But then his Supernosebleed stops when he realizes: he's forgotten his wallet! But never fear! Superman always has a plan B or C up his sleeve. "May I pay you in gum?" He offered the bus driver who had peed himself by now. "OMG!" The man let out a happy squeal. "NO ONE EVER PAYS ME IN GUM~!" He took the gum and started chewing it excitedly. _All in a day's work, Superman_. He thought to himself as he strolled out of the bus. He knows that if he and Batman were married right now, he could go home and do the naughty with Batman as a reward for defending their love AND making the bus driver's day!

**Well that's it for now. Chapter 2 should be up in a few minutes. Auntie Honeydew will usually be the one uploading and in charge of these things, so I hope you've enjoyed this Grandma's company. **

**-Grandma TyperMonkey**


	2. Chapter 2

** hm oh hello~ I didnt see you there~ Welcome to chapter two of the famouse (in my mind) novel**

**-Auntie Honeydew**

**The story gets better as it goes on, I promise. **

**-Grandma TyperMonkey**

Superman arrived at Batman's house after only a 20 minutes run. Looking around, there was no sign of Hulk. Good. No witnesses. Superman checked again, then ran to what used to be Batman's bedroom. It was mostly intact. Good, good. He ran up to what remained of the dresser, and pulled out the top drawer. It had exactly what Superman was looking for in it: Batman's underwear. Holding this precious relic in his hands, Superman began to sniff it and imagine his fantasy with Batman. That was until he found something that upset the poor delusional man. A pair of underwear with Robin's face was in the drawer, looking up at Superman. Enraged, Superman ran over to where Robin's room would've been. It was completely obliterated, but he somehow managed to find the dresser, and sure enough, there were panties, tiny ones with Batman's face on them. Throwing his hands into the air, -one still holding the panties- screaming in agony, Superman felt like 2nd place in Bruce's heart. Which was a sad place.

His screams were cut short when cars started getting hurtled at him from a small distance. Looking to see where these cars were coming from, Superman saw the Hulk. The Hulk stopped throwing the cars when he saw it was Superman, not Batman, and ran for it. Superman would've chased him, except he suddenly heard a high-pitched, womanly scream behind him. He turned to see Bruce with his mouth open, and hands on his head, and Robin only wide-eyed. Superman had never heard a sexier womanly scream come from a grown man. Superman flew over to Bruce instantly, batting his eyelashes at him, and glaring at Robin from the corner of his eye. Robin felt it and died a little on the inside.

"It's okay, Bruce!" Superman reassured him. "I'll fix this little mess in no time!" And in 10 seconds flat, Superman began digging away the rubble, secretly looking for something special.

Crawling, the Hulk made it into his apartment. Once inside, he looked around for his mate. No where to be seen. So Hulk checked the fridge, the dish washer(which he later threw out the window when he stubbed his toe on a chair), under the couch, over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house. Grandmother told him to stop coming to her house every time he was looking for something. Back home, he felt the urge to cry. A lot. Which was weird for a 9 foot tall monster with anger issues, but whatever. But suddenly, he hears music. Singing, actually. It was pretty bad, but Hulk recognized it immediately; Spiderman in the shower! Hulk decided to be stealthy and sneak up and surprise Spiderman, and as he got closer, he could hear the song was Dora The Explorer's theme, butchered with a rusty fork. Hulk manages to sneak up behind Spiderman in the shower without him noticing, by using his skills from years of ballerina classes his mother forced him to take. Those were what started his RAGEEEE. Hulk stood behind Spiderman as he screeched a terrible redub of a decent song, going to surprise him, but then looks down at Spiderman's ass. That perfect ass. Well, almost perfect. there was this really weird birthmark on it that kinda looked like a banjo dancing on top of a cat. Batman's ass doesn't have a weird birthmark like that. Well, probably not, he figured. He'd never seen Batman's ass (thankfully) and wont ever(if Bruce has anything to say about it). With that thought, Hulk started to cry and scream. The high-pitched, glass-shattering scream scared the hell out of Spiderman, who peed himself at the sound(he didn't need to go before). He looks at Hulk, giving him a "Wtf?" look, holding his arm up to his chest, grabbing his heart. Hulk grabbed Spiderman in a bone-crushing embrace. After a while, Hulk realized he was in the shower, too, so he might as well wash himself, too. Spiderman gave him some soap, and he started to scrub, until he dropped the soap.

It only took 4 minutes of digging for Superman to find what he was looking for. In this time, Bruce ordered a new house via a phone call to /new_house/23tg72f17. Dick had also used the time to play with his new phone, which he was already trying to use for what his last one needed replacing for. It wasn't working very well. Superman held his prized object above his head, shouting in victory. Bruce and Dick were caught off guard by this, and checked to see if the man had finally cracked. Almost. He was holding up something tiny, black, and was round, with string circling around or something? It took a second, but Batman finally recognized what it was. So did Dick. It was Bruce's prized thong. Bruce ran over to Superman and snatched it before Superman can sniff it or whatever else he was going to do. Superman was disappointed, but watched as Bruce makes his way over to Dick. "We can just go to the spare mansion for a while." Dick mentions to Bruce, who nods, and sticks the thong in his watched as they walked away. Depressed, he had no choice but to fly home and watch reruns of his favorite soap, "Sangre de lujo del potro" in his underwear till he felt better.

**The chapters get longer from now on, but funnier. These two were just produced out of desperation for a story. **

**Also Auntie Honeydew will not be joining us for the rest of the evening as she has been caught by her handler. It is a sad day in asylum history.**

**-Grandma TyperMonkey**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! Thanks for getting this far, I've noticed only 2 people have read/went to page 2. **

**These chapters, up to chapter 7, were written a little over a year ago, over the course of a couple months. This will explain why pieces of the story don't really match up perfectly. Okay, thanks, and hope you all enjoy, this is a long one.**

**-Grandma TyperMonkey**

A week later, Bruce was going home, when he remembered that he never thanked Superman properly for finding his thong. After he and Dick settled back in their new main mansion, Bruce turned to Dick.

"I'm going to have Superman over for tea today, to thank him for the other day. Look nice for him, will you?"

"Okay, I'll go put something special on, just for him, Bruce. Because you asked me to." Dick answered and walked slowly up the stairs. Bruce stole a few looks at that fine ass, but then whipped out his pretty pink cellphone, and dialed a number he wished he didn't know nearly as well as he did; Superman's phone. Superman wasn't there, just the answering machine, so Bruce had to leave a message.

"Superman, it's me, Bruce. I'd like to invite you over today, for some tea, to thank you for helping me when my house was destroyed. Don't bother calling back when you get this message, just be at my house at 3:00pm." And he hung up and went to go pretty himself up, while Alfred started baking cookies.

Superman was so overjoyed at Bruce's invitation when he got the message, he almost wet himself. A date! With Batman! FINALLY! Wait, wait, wait. He needed to remind himself. He was invited over, not out. So it's not a date. Also, Alfred was there. Not a date. And Robin. Not. A. Date. Superman almost cried, until he realized it was already 2:43pm. He threw himself to the closet, and looked through his fanciest clothes. He saw something nice, a cute maid's outfit, but thinking about it, he decided Batman would want to see him in something a little more...Manly. So he put the dress aside, and dressed himself all spiffy in his new tights. Super tights. Super tight tights. So he can show off his sweet buns and thighs of steel. "I'm going to have to remember to drop something at some point, so he can check out my booty-licious buns!" Superman squealed to himself, then trying to push such scandalous thoughts out his head. For now. He still hoped they would happen, though.

Within 5 minutes, he had skipped gayly up to the Bruce Wayne Stately Manor 2, drooling when he remembers soon it'll also be his when he weds his beloved. He checked his suit case, which he made sure to pack extra full, and put it in the bushes, in cause Bruce had plans to stay over Superman's house instead. He knocked on the door, trying to contain the excitement, making sure his booty-licious buns were still booty-licious. Superman almost fainted from happiness when he saw Bruce answer the door with a fancy top-hat and mustache. Superman eyed him carefully, wondering what they'd both wear when things got heated up. Superman followed Bruce into the house, to the fancy fireplace, where they both sat down and start drinking the fancy tea and fancy scones the fancy butler was serving. Alonzo was what Superman called him because he couldn't remember Alfred. Superman couldn't stop thinking about what would happen later that night when Alonzo went to sleep, or whatever fancy butlers do when they're gone for long periods of time. He started to blush, which made Batman confused, since they were only eating scones. Superman noticed that Alonzo was gone, so he took the chance to try his SuperSexyScheme.

Superman checked over his shoulder when Batman wasn't looking, and threw the scone on the ground in front of him. "Oh, silly me! I'll get that!" Superman bent over and wiggled his butt around, hoping Batman was getting a good look. He wiggled his butt a little more, but stopped and sat back up when someone walked into the room. Not just any someone. His one mortal foe, eternal rival, destined enemy; Robin. And what was worse, he was wearing a skimpy Lolita Maid Dress, the exact same on Superman owned, which peeved him even more. The skirt barely covered his panties, and instead of his buns of steel getting Batman's attention, it was turned to Robin. Well, more like Robin's butt. Robin walked to the middle of the room and asked if either of them would like more tea. Bruce accepted while Superman declined, thinking "NO, BUT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO GET THE F*CK OUT AND STOP RUINING MY ROMANTIC MOMENT WITH BATMAN." Superman saw that Batman was blushing at Robin, with a slight nose bleed. Superman was getting jealous.

Bruce was staring at Robin's panties, which were still hardly covered. Rage started to swell in Superman. Batman asked Robin, much to Superman's displeasure, if he would like to join them. But there are no more seats in the room, at which Superman smiled and siped some more tea. So, making Superman almost splurt his tea, Batman invited Robin to sit on his lap, which he gladly accepted. Robin sipped his tea while Superman noticed Batman grab his ass once or twice. THAT CROSSED THE LINE FOR SUPERMAN. OH, HELL NO. THAT SLUT CANT JUST WALTZ IN HERE AND JUST SIT ON HIS MAN'S LAP. He MUST do something about this! The love shared between Batman and himself was at stake here! "Oh, gawd, I can't believe Batman's cheating on me." Superman was thinking to himself in a panic. "BUT IT WASN'T HIS FAULT. THAT CHEAP WHORE TEMPTED HIM."

Superman rose off his seat in a large huff, and started yelling. "GET THE HELL OFF MAH MAN, BITCH!" He screamed at Robin, then pulled him off Batman's lap,(his lap was cold and lonely now...*cry*) and slapped Robin to the floor. Robin falls to the floor. Superman then rushed over to Batman's lap, and whispers "It's okay, baby. The lil slut is taken care of. We can be together now!"

Batman got up in a hurry, and ran over to help Robin up, "HOW F*CKING DARE YOU!" He screamed at Superman. "WHY DID YOU SLAP DICK?"

Superman was in tears. "CAUSE HE WAS RUINING OUR RELATIONSHIP!" He protested. "THAT TRAMP IS JUST PRANCING AROUND SHOWING HIS PANTIES! AND HE TOOK YOUR ATTENTION AWAY FROM MY BUNS!"

Batman screamed back at Superman. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"But..Batman...I thought you loved me..." Superman said with a small voice. Batman glared at Superman in confusion.

"WHAT THE F*CK? LOVE YOU? THAT'LL NEVER HAPPEN!" Batman screamed back at him. Superman started to sob.

"I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU!" Batman continued to scream at the sad excuse for a man. "AND I WONT EVEN LIKE YOU NOW AFTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO DICK! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

Superman crawled out of the house, feeling broken inside. All of those fantasies were nothing but that now. None of those dreams of him and Batman together will ever happen. He never even got to slap Batman's buns once... all because of a stupid mistake...it was his fault, Superman told himself as he cried on his way home, in the rain. "Wait. No. It's not MY fault!" Superman said suddenly. "IT'S ALL THAT CHEAP SLUT'S FAULT! HE WALKED IN THERE IN HIS SKIMPY MAID DRESS(which only looks good on me, bitch), AND SAT ON BATMAN'S LAP!" Superman let out an angry yell of angry anger. "And then Batman was grabbing his ass... I wonder what else he's grabbed..." He sobbed some more. "I bet that slut let him." Still walking in the rain, crying a little more, Superman looked up and saw a giant billboard with Batman on it. He started at the billboard for a while, straight at Batman. No, actually Batman's crotch. Thinking about how that'll never be his. But then he realized there was someone else on the billboard, too... OH, HELL NO. IT'S THAT CHEAP SLUT STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO BATMAN. There's only a few options left...he could kill Robin and FORCE Batman to love him. He could just kill himself, save some time. As these thoughts floated around the man of steel's messed up head, a evil crackle called out to him. Superman turned to see where it was coming from. It was some freak in a purple suit, with green hair and white skin.

"Having love problems are we now, Supey?" The man laughed with a crackle again. Superman wiped the tears and snot from his face, trying to look heroic. "Who're you?" He asked, his voice cracking slightly from the crying. "I, my bitter-butt, snot-nosed, squeaky friend, am the Joker. I know who you are. We've crossed paths many times. Why do you never remember me?" Joker laughed at the sad, sad excuse for a super-hero. "I have a short attention span." Superman cried. Joker laughed an evil laugh. "Tell you what, we'll get straight down to business. I know you've got a thing for Batman, and I also know we've both got a road-block to greater things with the bat; Robin." Superman was all ears now. To get rid of Robin, anything was worth it to this broken excuse for a man. "If we destroy Robin, you'll have a straight shot to Batman's heart." Joker established with an evil laugh, again. But, even in his brain-dead state, Superman knew something was off. "And what are you getting out of this?" The laughter stopped for a second, but only just, and it was crazier than before. "Robin's been a pest for years now. I've been looking for a way to get rid of him, so Batman and I can duel it out, like the good ol' days, before the pest. I figure now would be the perfect time." Superman thought about it, but since he was still delusional, who knows what he was actually thinking about. He agreed instantly, and both of them threw their hands up, screamed SLIGHTLY different things.

"YOU'RE GOING DOWN, ROBIN!" Was Joker's.

"I'LL SEE YOU ON JERRY SPRINGER, BITCH!" Superman received an awkward look from Joker.

"I MEAN, WE'RE GOING TO END YOU, YOU WHORE OF A SIDE-KICK, ROBIN!"

**The chapters get more silly, and much longer, from here on out. I might have promised that last chapter. Sue me.**

**-Grandma TyperMonkey**


	4. Chapter 4

**This is personally my favorite chapter so far. I think Superman and The Joker should make their own Dynamic Duo t-shirts.**

**-Grandma TyperMonkey**

Bruce and Dick were sitting in the dinning room, waiting for Alfred to wake up and make them breakfast. It had been two days since the tea party fiasco, but they all seemed to be over it. Staring at his plate, Bruce's tummy made the rumblies. Dick was still sitting down, but had his arms and head laying on the table, whining. "Bruuucee...I'm hhuuunngryyyyyyyy.." He'd moan for a few seconds then say it again. Bruce wasn't paying attention right now, he was trying to get his tummy to stop saying things. It was about then Alfred walked down the stairs. Dick and Bruce were about to cheer, but stopped after looking at him. He was completely naked, head to toe. Well, he had his pink bunny slippers. Bruce sprung from his seat and covered Dick's eyes immediately. "For goodness sake, Alfred." Bruce started to scold him. "Put some clothes on! There is a child present!" Alfred sighed, walked into the kitchen and put on an apron that said "Kiss the Cook," and Bruce sat back down now that he was clothed. Alfred had HOPED he could've cooked some bacon naked, since that was always his dream.

He cooked the bacon anyways, while Dick stared at his butt from behind his apron. Bruce choked on his fork when he realized Dick was staring. He jumped up again and covered Alfred's butt with his plate. But just then, the phone rang. "Uh-oh." was the only thought going through Bruce's head. Alfred can't answer the phone because he's making breakfast, and he can't get the phone himself since he has to block Dick from Alfred's booty. He didn't want Dick to look at those golden cheeks of steel.

After a while, Bruce sighed in defeat and answered the phone. Dick noticed Bruce was gone and ran over to stare at Alfred's booty, then started poking it. Alfred and Dick both giggled, having a good time. Bruce was on the verge of jealous tears by the time he picked up the phone. "Wayne Residence, who's calling?" Bruce tried to not cry into the phone. "Hey, Bruce!" A chipper voice rang on the other end. "It's Spiderman! I was just watching some TV when Hulk came in and destroyed half of everything we own, including clothes, and threw the other half out the window. I think he had a bad day at work." Bruce knew that feeling. "I didn't know Hulk had a job..." Bruce said offhandedly. "Of course he does! He's a crossing guard for the local school. I'm glad they didn't fire him after the 14th crushed car!" Spiderman giggled. _I wouldn't fire a 7-foot tall monster, either..._ Bruce thought to himself. "Anyways, I need to go shopping, and I was wondering if you'd like to come? I'm going to Ikea and Wal-mart!" Bruce loved Wal-Mart. "OMG, Wal-mart?" He said in a high-pitched sqeal. "I'll come! Pick me up soon, okay?" Bruce hung up the phone, and skipped over to his plate to see if food had appeared on it. It had not. He turned his head to see Dick still poking Alfred's butt. This fun game has been going on since he left.

"I won't be here for lunch." Bruce told them, which made Dick stop. "I'm going shopping with Spiderman." Dick ran over to Bruce. "Holy jee willa kers! Bruce, can I come with you guys?" Bruce thought about it _If I say yes, HE MIGHT GET KIDNAPPED BY A PEDOPHILE! But if I say no, he'll stay here and poke Alfred's booty all day... _SURE DICKY YOU CAN COME, BUT YOU MUST HOLD MY HAND AT ALL TIMES!" Dick considered it. "Aw, okaaaayy."

"annnnd you must hold my hand...starting now~" Dick gave Bruce his hand, and Bruce started blushing and brushing his thumb against Dick's soft skin. _His hands are so warm_. Bruce thought. I_'m tempted to stick them in my mouth. _

Just before things started to get messy, the doorbell rang. Bruce...and Dick walk to answer the door. It was Spiderman, with Aquaman clinging to his leg, which he chose to ignore, since it was warm. Also, the man wasn't coming off anyways, since he claimed Spiderman was going to take them both or Shoetopia, a magic land that always smelled of new and used shoes. "Hey Batmanny~ Ready to go shopping? I brought my extra big purse!" Spiderman held up a large pink flower purse. "Oh, hold on! I must get mine!" Bruce said, then ran off to grab his lil black sexy purse. "Okay! Ready! Let's hit the MALLS~" Bruce was about to walk out the door while holding Dick's hand when they were stopped by Spiderman. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Batman! Why is that thing coming?" He pointed at Dick. "Like, he can't come! We can't be seen with a little boy! It will totally ruin our sexyness and our sexy image..."

"But I can't just leave Dick here alone..." Bruce said. _Buuuuuuuut it would be a nice punishment since he didn't wear that new kitty maid outfit I bought him... _Bruce turned to Dick. "Sorry, Dicky, but...screw you I'm going shopping. MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU'LL WEAR THE KITTY MAID DRESS." Dick looked like he was about to cry. "And guess what, Dicky? I'm bringing 5 new maid dresses and you'd better wear em. Tootles~" And Batman and Spiderman skipped gayly out the door, leaving Dick. The door slammed shut, and Dick realized he was alone...all alone in the house...with no one...WAIT. THERE'S ALFRED! Just as Dick finished piecing that all together, Alfred walked down the stairs with a suitcase and a hawaiian shirt on, saying "Screw you, I'm going to Disneyland for the week." And then he left, too, leaving Dick actually all alone this time. Dick shrugged, and walked over to the couch and watched My Little Ponies.

Meanwhile, outside, Superman and the Joker were digging through Bruce's garbage cans. Superman was looking for something that Batman either ate, wore or peed on. The Joker was looking for stuff, too, but he wasn't going to tell Superman that. Superman went over to check the next trash can, but when he opened it, Aquaman was sitting in there, with a pile of shoes, kissing and licking them. He stared, then hissed at Superman, pouncing him to the ground. "GETTHISTHINGOFFMEGETITOFF" Superman screamed like a little girl. Aquaman stripped Superman of his clothes and stole his shoes, then ran away. "Shut up, Super-Stupid man," Joker said, smacking Superman in the back of the head. "We didn't find anything in the trash cans. We gotta go search inside." Superman was complaining about how cold he was, since he was only in his socks and Batman undies. The Joker told Superman that they must climb in through the windows, but Superman took the alternative route. Hurling cows at the windows at super speeds seemed to be the next best idea, but when the windows weren't breaking, Superman started to cry. The Joker shook his head, picked up a rock and threw it at the exact same window. It shattered into thousands of pieces. Joker saved the day!

Dick didn't hear a single thing inside, since he was jumping around in his underwear, singing the My Little Pony theme song with the TV.

The Joker and Superman stepped through the window, which lead to the kitchen. Superman saw how shiny clean the kitchen tiles were and started rubbing his butt on it. Joker smacked him in the back of the head and told him to stay focused. Superman got up and ran to the fridge. He picked up a bunch of eggs and shoved them in his underwear. Now he can eat eggs Batman bought! And it makes him look sexier! Joker sighed and pulled Superman out of the kitchen by his ear. "We'll have to look up stairs." The Joker told Superman. They crawled up the stairs, watching Robin rolling around on the floor in his underwear wrestling a stuffed animal. Upstairs, they saw the fancy hallways and portraits, which the Joker wasted no time getting a marker out and started drawing on them. While Joker doodled mustaches on the paintings, Superman found a vase full of flowers. He wanted to be pretty, so he put one behind his ear. Joker turned to him and told him to knock it off. Oh, right. Superman grabbed the vase and threw it about 300 feet out the window, then kicked the table it was sitting on over. Joker continued to doodle, giving Dick a hitler mustache, but Bruce a surprisingly sexy mustache. Superman was busy trying to make out with a giant portrait of Bruce. Joker ignored this. Superman attempted to add tongue, but the portrait wouldn't let him. Opening his eyes while still kissing the picture, Superman saw Robin in the picture, too. ONCE AGAIN, THE LIL WHORE RUINS THE MOOD. HE WANTED REVENGE. Meanwhile, Joker snuck back down the stairs, and watched as Dick danced in his undies with a Batman doll while the teddy bears watch. Joker snapped a photo, then drew a mustache on it. Deciding this was the best moment possible to strike, Joker got into action.

Whipping out his green cell phone, the Joker called the phone in the living room. Dick jumped slightly, but ran over to answer the phone immediately. "Hello?" Dick whispered into the phone. "Have you checked the children?" The Joker whispered back. "What?" Dick mumbled. "Oh, I-I mean, I know what you did last summer!" Joker stammered. "Last summer?" Dick sounded instantly curious. Joker sighed. "Look, just watch the children because I know what you did last summer." Then he hung up his phone and watched as horror and fear grew on Dick's face. They were washed away when the commercials ended and My Little Pony came back on, much to Joker's displeasure. Time for plan B. Climbing into a giant platypus suit, the Joker snuck into the living room next to the couch Dick was dancing on. He had to stifle his laughter at the boy as he got closer. He waited until Dick turned around to change the channel on the television to strike. Joker sprung up, and tackled Dick to the floor, screaming. Dick screamed like an 8-year-old girl in return.

Upstairs, Superman giggled and ran over to Batman's bedroom, where he stood and took in the scent of the room. _Mmmm. Old Spice and Axe. Batman is the manliest man ever. _Superman let out a sigh of relief, knowing he would remember the scent for the rest of his life. Superman ran to the bed and threw himself on it, cuddling a pillow, pretending it was Batman. He laid there, smelling and kissing the pillow. What a passionate moment. Afterwards, he rolled off the bed and went to Batman's closet. In it, to Superman's horror, was a shrine of Robin. Inside the closet. There was Robin's underwear, and little pictures of Robin in his maid dresses on the walls. Superman was beyond outraged. "THIS LIL' WHORE RUINED MY LOVE'S CLOSET AND FILLED IT WITH HIS STUFF." He growled loudly. Superman waddled outta the room and, then waddled back in and opened Batman's dresser, snatching one of Batman's Hello Kitty thongs, he stuck it in his undies with eggs. He how had 2 eggs and the thong in there. Superman waddled to Robin's bedroom, looking for stuff to ruin. He ripped all of the socks into little pieces. OH, HE WAS GETTIN' EVIL NOW.

Back downstairs, Joker crawled behind the couch, where Dick would NEVER find him. Watching Dick try to recover from the last random attack, Joker sniggered at the almost naked boy. His puzzled look was very enjoyable to the Joker, but Joker knew he still had work to do. Waiting till the boy wasn't looking in his direction, Joker pulled about 500 little plastic wind-up walking sporks, about 5 inches tall each. Winding them up, one by one, which hurts your fingers after a while, Joker had finally had them all ready to go. "Onwards, my minions!" Joker screamed quietly at them, maintaining his stealth. Dick didn't hear anything as the tiny army walked right up to him, until they attacked his feet. Dick could only watch in horror as the tiny things surrounded him, causing him to panic. Just as Dick was making a lunge for the phone to call either Bruce or 911, he hadn't decided, but he was tripped by the tiny sporks, each grabbing his legs. He started to cry. A lot. Joker had found this hilarious at first, but 10 minutes of straight crying from a teenaged boy gets boring after a while. The Joker had gotten his laugh, and now it was time to move onto business. Using silent hand signals, he told the sporks to go do something else, like terrorize a cat or something. They left in a line, leaving the boy to cry by himself for about another 3 minutes, then realize he was safe.

Satisfied with his work so far, the Joker returned to the stairs, where he watched Dick get back up and look around, confused and shaken. Apparently being attacked by a giant fuzzy platypus, then 500 toy sporks was not something he was expecting out of this day. The Joker got out of the suit and snuck back down the stairs, and ninja-ed his way behind Dick. The Joker also had taken ballet classes when he was a youngster, and a few ninja classes after high-school. Once behind Dick, who was picking his nose and scratching his butt at this point, Joker pulled out a potato sack and threw it over Dick's head, screaming like he'd done before. Dick barely screamed this time, but did suddenly fall totally limp once the bag had gotten past his shoulders, causing him to fall forward, dragging the Joker with him to the ground. After Joker had straighten himself out, he shoved the rest of Dick's body inside the sack.

Finished with destroying personal properties of Robin, for now, Superman opened the closet, noticing all the maid and bunny dresses and such in there. "Maybe if I wear on the lil whore's maid dresses, BATMAN WILL THINK I'M ROBIN AND THEN POUNCE ON ME AND WE CAN HAVE A PASSIONATE MOMENT." Superman exclaimed, then grabbed one of the skimpy black dresses. He had a little trouble getting it on, since it was very tight. And small. He put a Robin mask on, too, which he'd found in Batman's room. Superman climbed back onto Bruce's bed, awaiting his arrival.

Just then, outside, the Joker had run across the yard, carrying Robin in the potato sack, and thrown it inside a white, windowless van. Odd timing, because Bruce and Spiderman had just gotten there, making Joker jump into the van via door window. "Well, it's been awesome shopping with you, Brucey. I hope Hulk likes how I look in my new sexay outfits you picked out for meee~" Spiderman said, starting to turn around to get ready to go. "He's always going on and on about how I should dress more like you." Spiderman walked down to the bus stop, and took it all the way home. Bruce saw the white, windowless van in the front of his house, and stared at it. Intensely. After about 2 minutes of staring and nothing happening, he shrugged it off, walked past the shattered window pieces in the yard to his left, and went inside. Seconds after Bruce was in the door, Joker waggled his fist at the mansion. "WHERE IN THE HELL IS SUPERMAN?" He demanded.

Bruce walked into the house, and shouted "Diiiick, I'm baaaack," while looking around. He decided he needed to change, so he headed upstairs to his room, apparently missing all the graffiti on the paintings. When he got into his room, he noticed the lights were off, and when he turned them on, he saw a very big Robin laying on his bed in a sexy pose. Something was off about Robin, but Bruce couldn't tell what. He still got a nose bleed when he saw this large Robin, since he was wearing that sexy maid dress he'd refused to wear before, so he'd chosen to ignore whatever was off. The sexy maid dress didn't look as nice as he'd thought it would, kinda small, but still kinda sexy. "What took you so long, Brucey?" The large Robin asked seductively. "I've been waiting for you. I even put on this just for you." Bruce couldn't stop himself from pouncing him. After a few passionate seconds, Superman was getting into the moment, and Bruce realized one thing about Robin today was that he was extremely boring. Superman asked Bruce to touch him, which Bruce wasn't going to pass up. Superman was blushing a maniac while Bruce reached down his underwear. Superman moaned randomly, which made Bruce jump, since nothing was really happening, and grabbed something. It wasn't what Superman wanted. Bruce pulled out one of the eggs and stared at it for a second, then at Superman, making a "WTF?" face. In the background, the Joker was creeping into the room to raid Batman's dresser, looking for the undies. He grabbed the Spongebob undies after a few seconds and ran for it, but tripped. Bruce and Superman broke their "WTF?" moment to look at the noise to see Joker, who instantly shouted "NOTHING TO SEE HERE I'M JUST THE MILK MAN!" And ran out. Superman got nervous, and made a break for it with him. Bruce just stayed where he was. _What just happened._ Was the only thought floating through his mind.

Joker and Superman made a mad dash from the mansion, pushing every single item they possibly could over. Superman actually stopped to run back to the Kitchen to rip up a few tiles and Joker had him help him knock the fridge over. When they got out of there, they hopped into the white, windowless van via door window. Again. But they van wasn't starting up. "Hurry up hurry up hurry up hurry up-" Superman kept repeating at Joker, who was in the driver's seat. "I'm trying, you oaf. It wont start up." Joker told him nervously. They both turn to look behind them when they hear a strange noise, only to see the potato sack Dick was currently in, crying cause it was so dark, and Aquaman, who was making strange, tiny noises. They both looked down to see why he was making them. Aquaman was holding a few teeny tiny plastic dinosaurs, each chewing on Joker's and Superman's clothes. Some fish with legs were helping in this quest of clothe noming, actually eating the fabrics. "MAKE HIM STOP, JOKER," Superman was crying like a little girl. "THEY'RE EATING THE DRESS BATMAN LOVES." He was still in the Sexy Maid Dress he stole from Robin's room. One of the fish went for the last egg in Superman's undies, bitting at his crotch. Still screaming, but louder more hysterically now, Superman opened the door and fell out. Joker followed suit and jumped out the window. They both ran home, Superman crying the entire way, while Aquaman and his legged fish chased them for a block or two, Aquaman holding the dinos in one arm, and wielding a loaf of bread as a weapon in the other hand. They were too fast for Aquaman and his legged fish, so Aquaman threw a tantrum and threw the potato sack he was sitting next to for a while, which held Dick, through one of the mansion's windows. He also threw himself on the ground, screaming and crying, then ripped up the entire bed of flowers out front, and finally peed all over the tipped over trash cans.

It just so happened that the window Dick was thrown through was Bruce's bedroom. Bruce was still sitting on his bed at this time, totally confused about the large Robin he'd seen when the potato sack flew into his room. Now he was more confused. He walked over to the sack and opened it, and got an immediate nose bleed when he saw Dick sitting there, in nothing but his underwear. Bruce couldn't help himself. Bruce threw himself on top of Robin, into a big, huggable glomp.

**I feel kinda bad because Auntie Honeydew is unable to upload these herself, so she never gets to write intros/extros. Or whatever they're called. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**-Grandma TyperMonkey**


	5. Chapter 5

**Long time no see! Not that anyone has really been counting, judging by the 0 reviews, faves and everything else. You people make me sad.**

**-Grandma TyperMonkey  
**

Hulk had been sitting on the couch for the past 2 days, watching a Batman marathon without Spiderman's knowledge. Spiderman took a quick shower, put a towel around his waist, then walked down the hall all sexy to the living room where Hulk was. Hulk was in fact still watching TV, but since it was turned away from Spiderman, he couldn't tell what it was. Spiderman stood in the hallway, making sexy poses for about 5 minutes, trying to get Hulk's attention. When all else failed, Spiderman dropped his towel to the ground, then said loudly "Woopsy daisy, I dropped my towel!" He said it just loudly enough for Hulk to hear him. Hulk looked over, then hurriedly changed the channel. Spiderman walked over just in time to not see what was on the TV previously, but saw that "The Amazing Spiderman" was on now. Spiderman was touched that Hulk was watching him on TV so dedicatedly. He felt now was the right time to ask. "Hey, Hulky?" Spiderman said sweetly as he sat down next to Hulk, still naked. Hulk looked into his eyes, a little panicky, since he just narrowly dodged Spiderman figuring out his secret. "Wanna go to a place special to me today?" Spiderman asked, excitedly. Hulk honestly didn't want to, but he might be found out he said no, so he agreed. "It's going to be a night to remember, so look nice." Spiderman said, and they both got dressed.

Hulk threw on his spiffy, new, extra tight shorts to show off his sweet buns, and Spiderman put on his expensive tuxedo and combed the top of his mask. He looked so fancy.

Spiderman and Hulk were sitting at their table for a few minutes before the pizza arrived. Spiderman got some and ate happily, but Hulk ate a little sulky, watching children run and scream around them. Spiderman seemed to think Chuck E Cheese's was amazing, but Hulk apparently didn't share the same idea. While Hulk and Spiderman were sharing their romantic moment, Aquaman was crawling around in ball pit and tubes, attacking children with small stuffed animals while making loud dinosaur noises.

Spiderman finished his pizza, looked around to make sure the time was right, then got down on one knee. Hulk stared at Spiderman, chin-in-hand, obviously bored. Apparently not that obvious, since Spiderman hadn't noticed. "Hulk?" Spiderman said slowly. "Will you marry me?" and he pulled out a giant diamond ring. It was about the size of an average person's bracelet. Hulk was a little lost for words. If he said yes, he'd be eternally bound to Spiderman. But if he said no, it'd be found out he loves Batman. He couldn't risk it, so after hesitating a bit, he weakly replied yes, and continually regretted it a second later, but Spiderman did a victory jig on top of the counter, much to the employees' displeasure. After his jig and being chased by a broom-weilding employee, Spiderman leaped into the Hulk's arms, and they started to make out right there. Small children gaped and mother's covered eyes everywhere. The broom-weilding employee and his co-workers started to cry as all the mothers came over to complain, but since Spiderman reserved, AND is Spiderman, they couldn't do anything. Also, the Hulk was there. No one interrupts the Hulk while he's having a romantic moment.

Done with their make-out session to congratulate themselves, Spiderman took his new soon-to-be-bride into his arms, and after being crushed almost to death, they just decided to walk out. Hulk tried not to sob about the decision, he turning his head to hide the possible tears, but saw Aquaman in a skimpy bikini playing DDR with a shark, children crying in all directions around them. Hulk turned his head back and pretended he hadn't seen anything.

Hulk and Spiderman were asleep in their bed, Spiderman dreamed about Hulk and their wedding, while Hulk was having a dream about Batman. Hulk was wearing a beautiful white dress and Batman wore a thong. They were sharing a passionate moment, and things were starting to heat up. Batman moved in closer, so they could kiss, and Hulk did, too, and soon they were making out. Batman looked straight into Hulk's eyes, and said "Hulk...I love you." Hulk was shocked and overjoyed to hear those words come out of Batman's mouth. "I love you, too." Hulk replied. "Will you be my wife?" Batman asked. "So we can grow old and have many children together?" Hulk was crying happy tears and pounced his new fiancée. Batman then handed Hulk a rose, his favorite flower. "Oh, Batman!" Hulk said through his tears. "You always know just what I want." Hulk took the rose and closed his eyes, sniffing it. But when he opened them back up, there was a giant, black, hairy spider staring at him. Hulk screamed a little, and looked back up, to his horror, it was SPIDERMAN. Hulk started to back up, but only for Spiderman to pounce and rape him, while Hulk screamed "NOOO, I'M NOT READY YET! NOOOOO"

Hulk immediately woke up, screaming and shouting. Spiderman jumped, and tried to comfort Hulk. "Whoa, what's wrong, baby?" Hulk only screamed at the sight of his face, and pushed him off the bed full force. On the ground, Spiderman saw Aquaman rolling around on floor like a worm in his skimpy bikini, eating goldfish that were scattered everywhere. Hulk, realized what he'd done, ran to the bathroom crying and slammed the door. He cried while sitting in the bathtub, thinking "I don't think I can go through with this marriage...I just cant..."

"If I marry Spiderman, I'll never have that fine cheetah, Batman...And what if Batman actually likes me? It'll break his super sexy fine heart when he sees me getting married to another..."

Outside, Spiderman was trying to get the door open, with no luck. He was panicking because Hulk locked himself inside, and he was afraid Hulk would never come out. He wasn't sure what to do, or even what made him sad in the first place. It broke his heart to see his love like this. He couldn't stand it any longer, being away from his love this long was driving him nuts. He ran to the bedroom, grabbed all of the pillows off the bed, and ran back to the bathroom door. Throwing the pillows at the door, Spiderman hoped the door would break. "LET ME IN HULK MY LOVE SO I CAN COMFORT YOU." Spiderman yelled.

Hulk was still sobbing at this point, thinking about the marriage, when he looked up and saw a spider on the wall. Hulk screamed like a little girl. Spiderman heard the scream and panicked. He needed to do something! Fast! SHOULD HE CALL 9-1-1? SHOULD HE THROW COWS THROUGH THE DOOR?! No, wait. He could just call Batman. He's a smart fellow, he'll know what to do. Spiderman whipped out his iPhone(since he's rich and can afford those things. Unlike Batman.) and dialed Batman's number.

In the mansion, Bruce and Dick were having a pillow fight. Or that's what Bruce called it, because "sex" was a less appealing word. Besides, a pillow fight just sounds generally more fun. Well, right then they actually were having somewhat of a real pillow fight, and it was about to turn into Bruce's kinda pillow fight when the phone started ringing. Of all times. "Damn." Bruce mutters, since it interrupted Dick's cute little giggle. "I must take this, Dicky. I'll be right back. You get ready for round two." Bruce told Dick, then ran to answer the phone. "Hello? Who the crap is this?"

"Bats, it's AWFUL!" Spiderman was sobbing into the other end of the line. "Hulk's locked himself in the bathroom and I don't know why..." Spiderman paused to blow his nose. "And now he's screaming! I THINK HE'S IN TROUBLE, BATS!"

Meanwhile, Hulk was throwing his surplus of cows at the spider, in an attempt to kill it. He ran out of cows eventually, so he grabbed Aquaman, who was in a giant octopus outfit and playing whack-a-mole on the floor, and threw him at the spider, to no avail. The spider replied to these crazed actions by crawling close to Hulk, pulling out a cigar, and whisper "I'm going to rape you." Hulk screamed louder than before and hid under the sink.

Spiderman heard this scream and started to beg Batman to come over. "FFFFFFFUUU- Fine. I'll be over soon." Bruce sighed and hung up. He walked back into the room to find Dick naked. "I'm ready for round 2! That's the round with no clothes, right?" Dick asked, blushing and asking innocently. Bruce wiped the blood from his nose onto his sleeve, muttering "DAMN IT" under his breath. "Round 2 is cancelled, Dick..." Bruce said, still staring. "I have to go help Spiderman..."

"Aww, jee-willykers, okay, Bruce." Dick said while putting his clothes back on. Bruce watched Dick as he threw on his Bat suit, then jumped out the window and ran to Spiderman's apartment. He could've flown, but he didn't have superpowers. By the time Batman got to the building he could hear Hulk screaming and crying. He was already out of breath, having run several hundreds of miles, but Batman ran up the stairs to Spiderman and Hulk's room and knocked on the door. Aquaman answered, eating a hotdog, wearing a tutu, bikini top, a facial mask and a towel on his head, with loud crappy hip-hop music playing in the background. There was also a horse wearing the bottom of the bikini and laying in a sexy pose on Aquaman's bed. "Uh, wrong door." Batman said quickly and slammed the door on Aquaman's face, then moved down to the next door and knocked. Spiderman jumped out and threw his arms around Batman, crying "Thank goody-ness you're here! SOMEONE IS HARMING MY HULKY IN THERE! D: "

At that time, Hulk was in the bathroom on the floor, butt-naked, crying and rocking himself back and forth. The spider had done what he promised. "That was fine. I'll remember to visit you later." He pulled out another cigar and started smoking. Hulk sobbed even harder.

Batman and Spiderman could hear Hulk through the door, and before Batman was about to suggest throwing pillows at the door to break it, Aquaman drilled a hole through the floor to their feet, wearing a swimsuit, floaties and a long black wig. Batman and Spiderman stared at him for a second while he waggled his fist at them for being in the way, but Batman grabbed him and threw him at the door, to no effect. Aquaman swam away on the carpet, racing a platypus. Batman inspected the hole on the floor. "We can use this!" He said in a detectivey voice. Spiderman nodded, and they both jumped down the hole and fell for what seemed hours, then landed in the bathroom through the ceiling. Aquaman crawled down the hole with them, while making strange dinosaur noises, which echoed and made Batman and Spiderman confused half the time of their fall.

Spiderman landed first. Batman soon landed, too, a few seconds after. They landed right in the center of the bathroom, since the hole ended in the bathroom's ceiling. Spiderman saw Hulk and ran over to him, shocked and shouting "HULK, BABY! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!" Batman saw Hulk, too, and immediately covered his eyes. Hulk was about to explain about the spider raping, but the spider whispered in his ear "If you tell him what happened, I'll rape ya again. ;)" And he crawled back away singing the itsy bitsy spider. Batman was looking up into the hole they fell out of at this time, wondering how a hole from the outside of the room could- his thoughts were cut short when he saw Aquaman fighting off a couple flying, fire-breathing gophers-of-death. Batman decided to stop questioning things. Spiderman was comforting the re-sobbing Hulk, while Batman was checking himself out in the mirror. Hulk caught a glimpse of Batman, and looked away, blushing. "Omg, what is he doing here? Was he worried about me?" Hulk was wondering while Spiderman comforted him. "He must really care for me..." Hulk caught about glimpse of Batman, who was taking a dump on the toilet, ignoring Spiderman and Hulk. Hulk blushed again, whispering "He's trying to seduce me... that's why he's sitting on the toilet..." Spiderman heard Hulk whisper something. "Did you say something, sweety?" Hulk didn't realize he said it out loud instead of just thinking it. "Oh, nothing, nothing..." Hulk reassures Spiderman. While sitting on the floor, Hulk realized he had to move out of this house...away from that spider...But he couldn't afford to move out on his own... Batman was still on the toilet, and wanted to strike up a conversation. But he was reading his special dirty magazine of Robin, so he didn't try very hard. "So you two love birds are getting married?" He said in an almost monotone voice. "Mhm, that's nice. You two staying in this...place forever I suppose?" He said, looking around. It was a kinda sad little bathroom, and the hole in the ceiling didn't do it any favors. "Well, we're, uh, moving out soon!" Spiderman said defensively. "Uh-huh," was all Batman said, while flipping another page and plugging up yet another nose-bleed. "I'm very happy for you..." Batman said in a sad, almost depressed tone. Only because he was at the last page of his magazine, but Hulk heard the tone and thought he knew what he meant. Hulk had a plan. He would make Batman super duper jealous of the wedding, so jealous, in fact, that he would stop it. And then Batman and Hulk can confess their love to each other. Hulk quickly came back to his senses. "Thank you, Batman." Hulk said softly, then kissed Spiderman on the cheek. Spiderman blushed and Batman just stared. A few seconds later, Batman farted and wiped his bum. Hulk watched Batman wipe, and he wished that he was that piece of toilet paper... Spiderman got up and carried Hulk in a bridal carry. "Okay, you can leave now, Batman." Spiderman told Batman, who seemed to be done with his business and was washing his hands. "Hulk and I are going to go have...a pillow fight." Batman loved pillow fights. "I wanna join. Can I join?" Hulk excitedly replied "YES YES YES-er, I mean, yeah, Batman. You can join." Spiderman facepalmed himself in his head at Batman. "Did I say pillow fight?...I meant sex..." It was silent for a few seconds. Batman broke the silence. "Oh...OHHHHH...ewwwwwwwwwww..." And he quickly escaped by jumping through the window. "He must've been so jealous, he couldn't handle it..." Hulk thought to himself. "My plan must be working! If I continue to make him jealous, he will probably kidnap me away from the wedding! And take me to the Batcave, so we can have our own little tickle fight!" Hulk wanted, no, NEEDED, the wedding to be perfect in this case!

While walking home in the dark, since it was nighttime by this time, Batman saw Aquaman on a street corner. He was wearing a mini-skirt, fish nets, a tube top, and bunch of makeup while smoking a cigarette. "HE'S A HOOKER." Batman thought to himself. "A LADY, er, MANWHORE OF THE NIGHT." He sped up a little bit to not make eye-contact. "So THAT'S how he gets enough money to support all of Atlantis..." Little did Batman know, Aquaman just got done fighting off a pack of dinosaurs, for their shoes, of course, and had to wear hooker clothes in order to bait the next pack out.

**It doesn't end there, don't worry.**

**-Grandman TyperMonkey  
**


	6. Chapter 5 part 2

**No seriously, guys. Review it, just once. Please? I'll give you special mention or a gold sticker.**

**-Grandma TyperMonkey  
**

Batman, Hulk and Spiderman stood in the center of the mall, looking around at the stores. "Thanks for coming shopping with me, Batmany." Hulk said, batting his eyelashes at Batman. "Us, honey." Spiderman corrected sweetly. "Oh, uh, yeah.." Hulk said quietly. Batman just grunted slightly, obviously bored. The man had been dragged here against his will, having Robin's cute dresses threatened to have half be teared to shreds and the other half given to Superman. Today was the day Robin was supposed to have recitals for his school play, Sugar Plum Fairy, and Batman had to choose either every cute dress's life, or watching Robin on a recorded VHS later. Batman watched as Spiderman and Hulk bickered over which store they should head to first. He just scratched his butt, waiting for this day to end. Hulk stopped bickering as much and watched Batman scratch that sexy, rock-hard ass of his. Spiderman turned to see what Hulk was looking at. "Honey, what're you looking at?" Hulk snapped out of it. "NOTHING." He screamed instantly. "NOTHING AT ALL." A few children in the background started crying. Aquaman flew in and tackled one of them to the floor, then scooped the child up in his arms and swung away, successfully rescuing the child from the imaginary dinosaurs. Spiderman watched. "Okaayyy..."

An excited Hulk, a bored Batman and a confused Spiderman made their way to "The Wedding Dress Store," as most folk call it, but rich, fancy people like Bruce Wayne call it by it's proper name, "Le Mie Scarpe Hanno Funzioato Via." There was a list of things needed to be completed before the special day, but they were only going to mainly be taking care of the top three; 1. Get a wedding dress, 2. Get the wedding cake, and 3. Get the tuxes. Spiderman also had a secret mission of his own; to get Hulk something their special night. Hulk had decided that they should all hold hands on the way to the store, which Spiderman happily agreed, but Batman looked reluctant. Spiderman was about to grab Hulk's hand when Hulk quickly grabbed Batman's hand instead. Spiderman was a little disappointed, and Batman was extremely bothered by this. But when a 9 foot green monster grabs your hand, you don't say no. "His hands are so sweaty D: " Was all Batman could think.

Inside "The Wedding Dress Store," Hulk quickly looked around at all the bootyfull, sexy dresses, wondering which one Batman liked. Batman was currently looking at a few dresses, wondering how Robin would look in them... But got a nosebleed from thinking about it too hard. While the other two fooled around, Spiderman found a dress that would look lovely on Hulk. Hulk examined it. It was a cute, elegant sort of dress, with no straps. "I don't know..." Hulk said, thinking about it. "What do you think, Batman?" Batman stared at it for a minute. "Oh, no. That's awful." He went back to looking a tiny, skimpy dresses. "That dress would look terrible on Robin." Was the rest of the sentence he finished in his head. "HELL NO, HONEY." Hulk screamed. "I HATE THIS DRESS!" And as he was about to tear the dress into shreds in front of terrified Spiderman, he saw it. The dress of his dreams. The perfect dress. THE SKIMPY ZEBRA PRINT WEDDING DRESS! It's the dress that's going to make Batman want him. Hulk ran over and grabbed the smallest size and ran to try it on. In the Dressing Room, or as fancy people like Bruce Wayne like to call it, the "Focaccine Sudate," Hulk saw many more Bride-to-be's, their lovely, masculine features. The one with the handlebar mustache winked and giggled at Hulk. Hulk giggled back, and looked at his figure in the dress, too. He hoped he looked that good in his wedding dress. Hulk strolled into his stall, and as he attempted to take off his pants, since they were they only thing they wore, duh, he realized something. He couldn't get them off! After a bit of struggling, he gave up and had to call for help. "Hey, hun, your cutie's calling." The handlebar mustache guy told them. Batman shuddered at the sight of him and hid in the pants hanger. "What?" Spiderman responded to the man in the very cute dress. Spiderman poked his head into the room. "Sweetie? Is something the matter?" He called. "I can't get my pants off!" Hulk sounded like he was about to cry. All the men in the room suddenly looked sad and sympathetic. "I'll help you, baby!" Spiderman said, about to run to Hulk's aid. "No, no, it's okay...can you get Batman to help me?" Hulk said quickly. "...Why, honey...?" Spiderman said, obviously hurt. "Uh, well, honey," Hulk was thinking quickly. "You know the rule...you cant see the bride in his dress till the wedding day!" Hulk let out a silent sigh of relief while all the men in the room swooned. "Oh! That makes sense!" Spiderman said, now chipper. "Give me a second, I'll send him in!"

10 minutes later, Batman is sitting back in the main store lobby, trying to mind-bleach himself. Spiderman was secretly jealous, but Batman was silently dying on the inside. Hulk now had his pants off and was ready to try on the dress, but when he finally tried to get it on, he realized it was too tight. It shaped his buns very nicely, but he couldn't breath! And he wanted Batman to take the dress off very slowly when they have their moment, not rip it off. But if he got a bigger size, that would be embarrassing...He was always sure he was a Small. No, wait, he was positive he was an X-Small...Oh, well. Hulk sighed and walked out of the changing room, to show them how it looks. All the men clap and cheer Hulk on, and a few comment on those fine buns. Aquaman slipped in and stole one of the handles from the handlebar mustache guy in all the confusion, and petted and licked it while he slithered away, back up the wall and ceiling, into the air vent. We'll have to give the guy a name, now, since he now longer has that amazing mustache. We'll call him Luther: The Fish-Eating Pirate. No, wait, that sounds dumb. We'll just go with Marvin.

Hulk left the dressing room waddling, since there was no leg room, and blushing, his oxygen slowly ran out. When he finally got outside, Spiderman saw him and gasped in joy, but before he could even say anything, the dress ripped straight in half and fell to the ground. Hulk also happened to not be wearing underwear. Batman accidently let out a quiet high-pitched squeal, only heard by him, and hid behind his Robin magazines. Spiderman quickly ran to grab the magazine off of Batman to cover Hulk, while Marvin and the others gasped. Batman curled up in a ball in the pants hanger and cried manly tears for a while due to the defiling of his precious magazine and eyes. "Hulky baby, where's your underwear?" Spiderman asked Hulk. "...Erm...I...forgot it..." Hulk replied slowly, but he actually didn't know where it went... Aquaman was in the background with the Hulk's underwear on his head, dancing around while still petting the half-handle bar mustache, which he named Alexander. Batman watched Aquaman, jealous of the freedom, wondering how Robin's play was going. "It's okay, sweety," Spiderman assured him. "I'll go get you a bigger size." Hulk was horrified. _I'M NOT A GIANT FAT MONSTER! I'M A TEENY TINY PETITE MONSTER WITH A NICE BODY D: _Hulk thought to himself, trying to not cry. Batman had mostly recovered and was attempting to get the magazine back from Spiderman who kept batting him away, still using it to cover Hulk's junk. Hulk noticed Batman trying to remove the magazine and blushed like a maniac. "omg omg, what do I do in a moment like this?" Was the only thought running though his mind. "Do I let him go and remove the magazine and let him do his thanggggg? Or do I say no and say wait until we're married?" While Hulk thought about this, Batman successfully snatched the magazine and ran away with his eyes closed hugging the magazine for dear life, tripping over 2 mannequins. Spiderman ran and grabbed a bigger size by this time, handing it to Hulk, patting him on the bottom while saying "It's okay, baby, go try this one on." Hulk realized Batman was missing and was confused, but took the dress and looked at it. He saw the tag said "XL." WTF? _Does Spiderman think I'm some sort of fat cow? D: _Hulk though to himself. Hulk waddled into the dressing room all pissed off. Hulk slid the dress on, anyways. A perfect fit...Hulk was about to cry at the fact he was actually an E-tra Large... _Spiderman knows me so well...he knew I was this large...bastard... _Hulk was thinking, holding back monstrous tears of rage. _Batman would never insult me and give me an X-tra large outfit...no...he would buy me a teeny tiny outfit...then hope it fits me... _Hulk walked out of the dressing room, wearing his skimp, zebra print, strapless dress, hardly covering his buns. The dress came with a free pair of hooker-high-heel boots. "You look stunning.." Spiderman said, trying not to pounce his love and do things to him. Batman in the background could be heard saying "Ohhhh, yes, you look extra delicious in that..." But he was actually saying it to one of the pictures of Robin in the magazine, accidently saying it out loud. Hulk heard him and made the obvious mistake, giggling saying "Thank you, Batman~ Okay, I MUST buy this one~" Spiderman kissed Hulk's cheek, saying "Anything for you, baby." And then he saw the price tag, and almost died and fainted at the same time. _$460,032.87 is a lot of money...but nothing for love...plus tax... _Spiderman thought to himself. But he was then hugged by an extremely happy Hulk, squealing "I love you~ Just not as much as Batman..." Spiderman looked at Hulk confused. "What was that, honey? I heard you whisper something." Hulk shifted his eyes. "Nothing...nothing at all..."

After spending $492,235.17 in total for the dress - Spiderman had to borrow most of it from Batman, obviously - they made their way to their next stop. On the way, Spiderman was made to carry Hulk's dress...it was a big dress... Spiderman tripped over it and his own two feet, then left to die by Hulk and Batman. Batman didn't even notice. Hulk, however, chuckled and continued to walk away. Batman wondered why his hand smelled like year old cheese, and Hulk just gazed as Batman sniffed his own hand. Hulk spotted the cake shop, "Les gateaux et pasteries superbes dans la-bas font des emplettes." As they rushed over to it, Aquaman swam in the fountain in the nude, playing with a toy snake, only picking out the pennies.

Batman and Hulk made their way inside, while Spiderman was crawling right behind them, whining about how he scrapped his knee. While waiting for Spiderman to catch up, Hulk decided to strike up a conversation with his lovelyful delicious lover. He thought fast. "So...Batman...what kind of cake should OUR wedding cake be?" Batman stared at him for a minute. "What?"

"You know, for our wedding." Hulk said. "I was thinking we take some of the left over cake home with us, that way you can eat it...off of my naked body." Batman shrugged and said "Well, I do like cake..." and nodded. Hulk was thinking "YES SCORE! This is gonna be a lovely moment between us." and he started to gaze off into space thinking about when Batman was gonna eat cake off of him...He wondered where he will eat it first oh my... And then Spiderman walked up behind them, breaking Hulk's sexy porno thoughts, Spiderman saying "Hey, I gotta tinkle. Can you two wait here~? And Batman, make sure to protect my lil angle while I'm away, I don't want any other man stealing him~" And Spiderman ran off to go find the little girl's room. ER, MEN'S ROOM.

There was an awkward silence between Hulk and Batman. Hulk was blushing like crazy, wondering what to say, when a store clerk asked them if they needed anything. That clerk was FINE. Long, flowing blonde hair, blue eye shadow, ruby red lipstick, fair skin, and some fake boobs make out of balloons. Oh, and high-heels. "Yes, I would like for YOU to make a wedding cake for me and my lover." Hulk said, looking at this creature. The man-lady looked around for Hulk's fiancee and spotted someone. "Ohhhh, is it that one, hon?" He pointed to Batman. Hulk blushed like a madman and nodded his head furiously. "YES, YES THIS IS MY FIANCEE~" Meanwhile, in the background, Batman was sniffing his pits, wondering if he put some Old Spice on. And Axe. The clerk squealed "Oh, my he's so fine, you sure got yourself a man with round delicious buns!" Hulk instantly felt special, the clerk was right, he did have himself a man with mighty fine buns. The clerk asked now "Okay, what kind of cake can I get you two lovebirds?" Hulk thought about it for a minute. "I want a cake that shows how much we love each other~" The cross dressing clerk just stared, waiting, as Hulk went on and Batman stood in the background thinking about what kind of cake he should get Robin on his birthday. After he was done describing the 7 layer cake he wanted, Hulk screamed at the drag queen. "AND, I WANT IT HERE IN 30 SECONDS"

"30 seconds?" The man-lady asked.

"YES 30 SECONDS."

"I don't think I can do it in 30 seconds..."

"BUTTTTT IF YOU DON'T, MY WEDDING IS GOING TO BE RUIINNNEDDDDDDD" Hulk started to scream and cry, then ran over to Batman and cuddled him. Batman used all of his energy to escape this embrace. He just wanted to go home... "WAIT, you didn't let me finish! I cant do it in 30 seconds, BUT I CAN DO IT IN 35 SECONDS! The clerk was trying to calm Hulk down. "YOU BITCH ARE TRYING TO RUIN MY SPECIAL DAY?" Hulk only screamed at the poor man-woman. HULK THEN GOT PISSED AND RIPPED OFF THE MAN-LADY'S WIG. "NOW GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THE KITCHEN AND MAKE MY DREAM CAKE." Batman tried to walk away, but Hulk continued to pull him back. Hulk violently pushed the lady back into the kitchen. He hadn't been wearing a wig.

About 35 seconds later, the cake was finished, and at the same time, Spiderman was running back, too, with a piece of toilet paper sticking on his shoe. "I'm back baby!" Spiderman greeted them. The now hairless man-lady came out of the kitchen with a tear stained faced and their cake. Spiderman looked at it and gasped. "Ohh, is that our cake~?" He got a closer look at it. It was a 70 layer cake, completely black, with bats all over it in all sorts of different sizes. Gotham city was painted onto the bottom few layers, completed with grey icing clouds on a few layers above the city. Spiderman twitched when he saw the cake topper, however. "Uh...WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Why is my fiancee cake topper naked with another cake topper...that looks strangely like Batman...?" Spiderman turned to an almost pissed Hulk, whining. "Honey bunches of oats, I thought we agreed on a SPIDERCake..." Hulk gasped, having memories of that awful night with the spider. Hulk started to cry. "Honey, this is the cakes I WANT. IT'S NOT THE CAKE YOU WANT." Hulk started stomping his foot. "IT'S THE CAKE I WANT." Spiderman walked over to Batman and whispered "Doesn't that cake topper look like you, Brucey?" Batman took a closer look at the toper and the position it was in. He got mental images of himself in that pose naked with the Hulk, and started to scream "EWWWWWWWWWWW!" which startled Spiderman. Batman quickly turned to Spiderman and shouted "Hell no, that does not look like me!" But Hulk screamed "WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE." which immediately killed the conversation between the two. Hulk turned and screamed at the cross-dresser. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? I ASKED FOR THE 7 LAYER CAKE! THIS IS A FUCKIN 70 LAYER CAKE!" The man-whore hid under the counter, crying. "IT'S RUINED! OUR WEDDING IS RUINED!" Hulk started rolling around on the floor, throwing a violent tantrum. Hulk started throwing cows at the drag queen, who was trying to call 9-1-1. Aquaman snatched the man-lady's phone and licked it, then rubbed it all over the man's cheek while having a hissing conversation with his sock puppet. Poor fellow, we should give him a name, too, seeing as he might be important. Let's go with...Beyonce!

Hulk started screaming and sobbing, saying "I'M SUEING YOU BITCH. I'M FRUCKING SUEING YOU!" at Beyonce, while being pulled out of the store by Spiderman, who has the dress and cake in the other hand. Batman scratched his crotch and followed right behind, trying to keep the images of him and Hulk out of his head. Aquaman latched himself onto Batman's leg, who looked down to see Aquaman slowly shaving his legs. Batman just ignored it, thinking how great the cold sharp razor felt good against his legs.

Out in the main center of the mall, Batman received a text message from Alfred, with pictures of Robin at his Surgar Plum Fairy recitals. A tear rolled down and a drip of blood slid down his nose at the the sight of Robin at his show. Spiderman patted Batman's butt, saying "Let's move along to the tailor shop~ For my fancy tux~" Batman was seriously wishing he was with Robin instead of these creepy people...

Inside the tailor's, a bunch of faboo dudes were also looking for snazzy tuxes to wear for their big day. After looking around for a while - which took quite a while because Hulk got in a fight with one of the men over a pair of shoes, and Spiderman spent 10 minutes trying to console him and stop Batman from continually trying to escape - Spiderman found a tux he liked. It was a blue tux, with golden trimming, tassels and came with a free pair of high heels. "Heyyyy do you think this looks good on me, honey bunches of oats?" Spiderman asked Hulk. Hulk asked Batman, who was all "OMG that's amazing! You'd look so hawt in that!" Hulk got worried that Batman though Spiderman looked too scrumptious in the tux. Hulk shouted "Hell no, hunny, that tux is just ugly, and doesn't show your fine curves enough." He ran around to find a dress for Spiderman, something he would find less attractive. Then he found it. A tiny, blue corsage dress, covered in little sparkles everywhere, and came with a bright green shawl. Hulk also nabbed an unrelated pair of red short-shorts with red suspenders and a red bow tie. He hung all of the eye-defying pieces on the same hanger, and handed them to Spiderman, who looked at them all. Spiderman was observing the outfit while Hulk went to get Batman out of the air ducts to make him give his opinion on the outfit.

After Batman first tried to walk away bursting out laughing, then threatened to kill himself once Spiderman attempted to stop him, Hulk knew it was the perfect outfit. "Then it's settled, you're getting this one, hunny." Hulk told Spiderman. "Uh, Okay, anything for you, honey bunches of oats." Spiderman said, then ran to get his size in the outfit, but before he could even reach them, Hulk saw him. "WOAH WOAH WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" He screamed, making the children from earlier cry again. "This is a medium..." Spiderman said, reaching for the bigger sizes. "I CAN'T BE MARRIED TO A PERSON THE SIZE OF A WALRUS!" This time Aquaman was scared straight into Batman's arms, who was scared straight back into the air ducts. "But, honey, this is my size..." Hulk reached over and grabbed the two unrelated pieces both in extra-smalls, and handed them to Spiderman, saying "try this one or I'm dumping you." Spiderman grabbed the abomination and ran straight to the dressing room, knocking Batman, who came out because it got crowded in the air ducts, what with all of Aquaman's dinosaurs, to the ground in the process. Hulk saw Batman sitting on the floor and got an idea. He waddled over to where Batman was, and "tripped," shouting "OOOPS~" and landed on top of Batman. "Oh, silly me, look what happened. On accident." Hulk could feel Batman's warm body beneath him, and could see Batman blushing. But in reality Batman's face was turning shades of red because Hulk had landed on his lungs, preventing him from breathing.

Hulk was about to make a move on this manly piece of hunk, when Spiderman came back wearing the horror-of-a-dress. Spiderman could barely move, it was tight EVERYWHERE. But then the short-shorts rip, revealing his rump and undies. And everyone knows the deal, "you break it, you buy it," so Spiderman had no choice in this matter. The cashier was not happy, especially not with Hulk, who managed to destroy 4 dresses, scare off 13 costumers and broke the tiling when he landed on Batman. The end charge was 600,000 pennies. He was only accepting pennies from Spiderman. Spiderman said it sure was lucky he brought his entire luck penny collection along today, or else they might've been in a jam.

Outside of the tailor shop, Spiderman needed to sneak away to Victoria's Secret, to get a surprise for Hulk, but needed a distraction. Hulk saw a pretzel stand, and Spiderman thought this was the perfect opportunity. He handed them 7,000 pennies for pretzels and ran off. "Oh my," Hulk thought to himself. "Some alone time with Batman.." They walked over to the pretzel shop, where Hulk announced "Oh, my, we only have enough for 2 pretzels...and one drink." Batman stared blankly at him for a minute, and immediately started counting pennies. "Guess we're gonna have to share the drink." And 2 pretzels and one drink were given to them in less time than Batman could count all 7,000 pennies. "That's okay." Batman said, shrugging and handing all the pennies to the cashier. "We can just get two straws." Hulk threw the straw dispenser, which landed in Aquaman's head, who recovered and shoved the dispenser down his pants, and started to rub his butt on the cold mall tile. "Nope." Hulk told a poker-faced Batman. "There's only one straw. Guess we're gonna hafta shaaare. ;D" They found a seat, and an awkward silence broke out between the two. Batman took this as the prefect time to bring up a serious conversation.

"Hey Hulk, can I ask you something important?" Batman said, looking sorta awkward at Hulk. Hulk choked on his pretzel and immediately thought "Oh, my, he's gonna confess his love this is it~" Batman cleared his throat, all manly-like. "You see, there's this guy.." Or young boy. "that I like." Hulk stared intently. "OH MY YES THIS IS IT."

"And, who is this guy?" Batman sighed a little. "Cant say...but he's fun, sweet, and young, and he has the smoothest skin..." Batman ended the sentence with a nosebleed. Hulk happened to look away at that point to feel his skin. "YUP, SOFT AS A BABY'S BOTTOM~" Batman also added "He also looks good in his lil Batman Briefs..." Hulk looked away again, looked in his pants, and gave his Batman Briefs a thumbs up. "Hell yes, he is totally talking about me!" Hulk was getting all excited. "I just want to tell him how I feel...but I'm afraid he only thinks of me as just a friend...that he has naked pillow fights with...But I want us to be more than just friends." Hulk was blushing like a madman and was supa-dupa happy that Batman felt the same as him. "You should tell him how you feel~ Tomorrow...at my wedding...8D" Hulk told him. "Why tomorrow?" Batman asked, honestly curious about why tomorrow was important. "No...important reason..." Hulk said, shifty-eyes. The real reason was because Hulk had this big fantasy of Batman sweeping him off his feet at the alter and took him away to the Batcave and have a passionate moment the adults call "sex" 8D.

Batman was about to say something, when Spiderman popped up behind them with a Victoria's Secret bag, and Aquaman clinging to his shoulders, smelling his hair. We mean, er, mask. Spiderman always wears his mask(always.). Hulk noticed the bag and asked "Whatcha get?" Spiderman got nervous. "Oh, ummmm...something...for, uh...Batman!" Hulk glared. "You got what for Batman?" Batman interrupted, though. "Oh, you shouldn't have, what is it~?" Hulk was about to strangle Spiderman, and snatched the bag from him. "WAIT DON'T LOOK, SWEETIE! D8" Spiderman was reaching for the bag. Hulk pulled out of the bag a red thong with pink ribbons on the sides and a see-through nightgown. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO LOOK, SWEETY! IT WAS A SURPRISE!" Spiderman stopped trying to grab the bag from Hulk, and was now aiming at the presents. Hulk was extreeeemellllllyyyyy jealous. Batman took the thong and nightgown and examined it. "Oh, Spiderman, you should have! This is just my size!" And he tried them on over his clothes. "What do you think, sexy, no?" Batman sashayed around, showing off, spanking his buns of steel.

Spiderman looked over at Hulk, who was obviously about to lose it. "They were actually a surprise...for you..." Spiderman told Hulk as quickly as possible. Last thing he needed today was to get thrown out of the mall for Hulk giving some old people fatal heart-attacks. Again. Awkward silence followed for a while, until Aquaman flew in on a vine and snatched Batman's new attire off his body and flew away screaming and punching flying ostriches.

Batman realized if Spiderman AND Hulk were both is such a tizzy, he could escape. And escape he did. He ran and ran and ran to his car, where he locked the doors and drove home at X4 the speed limit. Screw Spiderman and Hulk, Batman was sure those nut-cases would figure someway to get married. Batman was greeted at home by Robin's Sugar Plum Fairy outfit by the front door, all hung up. "NOOOOOOO!" Batman had missed the opportunity of a lifetime.

**That's the end of Chapter 5. I thought it was fun. Who doesn't like humor? I suppose D:**

**-Grandma TyperMonkey  
**


	7. Chapter 6

**Did you guys know my name is Latin for "Gullible?" It's a fact. It's also a fact that these chapters are pure gold and no one is reviewing.**

**-Grandma TyperMonkey  
**

It was finally the big day for Hulk, the day he was going to win Batman's heart. Er, he meant, "get married to Spiderman." To steal Batman's heart. Hulk was in the Bridal room, getting ready with his Bride's Maids. The Bride's Maids were Captain Planet, Flash, Captain America, Thor and Ironman. Captain Planet was chosen as Hulk's Maid of Honor from a random hat pick, but he acted like Hulk and him were best friends. Hulk still wasn't sure who "Captain Planet" was, or why he was here.

Hulk was getting his makeup did by the Maids. Ironman was putting on the pretty blue eyeshadow, Captain America was putting on the sexy ruby red lipstick, Flash was waxing that oogly uni-brow, Captain Planet was shaving his legs, and Thor...

Thor was checking himself out in the mirror, thinking "Damn I look fine in this dress. All eyes will be on me." But he noticed before long that he'd forgotten to shave his arm pits, and was like "oh gawd" and smelled them, and remembered he never put on his deo. EVEN WORSE. He panicked, and kept his arms down so no one sees, and hopes no one noticed. He walked around the room, looking to see if anyone left any deo laying around when his heel broke. Damn, this day isn't going well for Thor at all. He was in tears as he hobbled to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, he threw a tantrum, then decided he needed to tinkle, screaming and crying while on the can. When he was finished, he flushed the toilet, but it overflowed. Maybe because he used a crap load of toilet paper? And when he attempted to escape the bathroom stall, he cant...because the bathroom stall is locked. He kept banging on the door for help. But help never comes... And Aquaman's head popped out of the toilet, and started to spin, freaking Thor out, causing him to scream like a little girl.

Outside the girl's bathroom was Robin, who heard the girlish screams. He panicked. Then ran away, pretending to hear nothing.

Back to Hulk, Hulk was whining and crying because Captain Planet had cut his leg with the razor while he was shaving Hulk's legs. Hulk got angry, obviously, and kicked Captain Planet in the face, knocking him out. Ironman came in seconds later, ignoring everything else, saying "Okay, Hulky, it's time to put on your wedding dress!" Hulk got up and walked over to the dressing room, farting in Captain Planet's face on his way. Hulk grabbed the dress from Ironman, went into the room, and slid it on. "Hurry up, Hulkkyyyy!" Captain America said, anxiously. "The wedding is starting!" Hulk came out of the dressing room, looking sexy and fabulous. "Wait, there's something missing..." Flash said. He ran out of room and came back with coconuts, handing them to Captain America, who stuffed them into Hulk's bra. Hulk looked at himself in the mirror, amazed at how fabu he looked. The blue eyeshadow and ruby red lipstick compliment the zebra dress so well... Aquaman was watching Hulk admire himself from the background, chewing on that nice ruby red lipstick. No one bothered to get it, it wasn't worth it. "Okay, showtime, my lil bride's maids." Hulk said suddenly, grabbing the remaining Bride's Maids by their legs and dragging them out. While they're being dragged, Captain America kept thinking "Where's Thor...?"

Meanwhile, in the Church, Batman was already seated, and keeping an eye out for Robin, who was the flower girl. Sitting behind Batman was Superman, and sitting next to him was the Joker, who was wearing a paper bag over his head so Batman doesn't see him. Superman continued to breath down Batman's neck, so Batman tried to distract himself by watching the crowd. He saw Beyonce from the cake shop, who was now wearing an actual wig, and Marvin. Who invited that guy? On the other side of the room, Wolverine picked his nose with his claws, and wiped it off on Green Lantern's tux.

The music started, and Robin the Flower Girl came prancing out in his bright pink and white flower girl dress with a big bow tied in the back. There were ribbons and flowers tied into his hair, and glitter all over his face and mask. There were many "aww"s to be heard throughout the church, which made Batman defensive about his little princess. Robin. He meant Robin. Yeah. Batman just couldn't keep his eyes off those silky smooth legs of Robin's. Batman was patting himself on the back for picking out such a great dress. As Robin was skipping down the aisle, throwing flower petals everywhere, Superman slid over and stuck his foot out onto the aisle. Robin then suddenly TRIPPED AND FELL, revealing his(adorable) panties to the world. Batman quickly helped him up, and looked around as Robin simply patted himself off and continued about his business. Batman returned to his seat, skeptically looking at Superman for a while, who continued to whistle screechy tunes at painful levels. After a while, Batman spoke to them. "You know." He started, making Joker jump and Superman start to cry. "I think he was tripped, and you know who I think who did it?" Joker looked at Superman, and facepalmed himself in his head. "That guy, over there." Batman pointed at some random stranger 20 feet away, and went on for the next 15 minutes about what a terrible that bastard that guy is. Joker smacked Superman upside the head once Batman was done.

By now, Hulk was ready, and started to walk down the aisle, his beauty blinding many people. The Green Lantern fainted at the mere sight of Hulk's glorious hair. Wolverine took advantage of the moment and began poking Green Lantern's bellybutton. Hulk looked down as he was walking to see Aquaman looking up his dress. Aquaman started making his tiny dinosaur bite Hulk's ass. Hulk looked back up and walked faster, trying to escape. Hulk passed Batman, and gave him a bootyful smile and wave. Batman covered his eyes, to shield himself from the image of Hulk, afraid it would overwrite the one of Robin. Spiderman and Hulk were gazing into each other's eyes. Well, one of Hulk's eyes was on Batman, whoooooo was watching Robin. The Spider, who was Spiderman's best man, winked at Hulk, making him die a little on the inside. The Spider winked again, and lit a cigar.

Finally down the aisle, Spiderman took in the entire beauty of Hulk, and nearly fainted. Nick Fury, or as he was known here, Father Fury, was waiting for them. He was a busy man and he didn't want to be stuck here wedding these idiots all day. "WE GATHER HERE TODAY," He began, and continued for about 2 hours about who knows what, but almost everyone was sure it had nothing to do with a wedding.

After what seemed to be forever to most people, Father Fury finally asked "OKAY, SO, SPIDERMAN, DO YOU TAKE THIS HORRIBLE, FREAK-OF-NATURE MONSTER AS YOUR WIFE?" Spiderman stared at Hulk. "I do!" The entire room let out an awwwwwww. Hulk was getting anxious. Batman wasn't coming..."AND FREAK-OF-NATURE, DO YOU TAKE THIS BI-COLORED JUMPSUIT AS YOUR HUSBAND?" Hulk panicked. "Okay, Batman, why aren't you sweeping me off my feet?" Hulk was thinking. Hulk then tried to give Batman THE SIGNAL. The signal, however, was never originally told to Batman. THE SIGNAL was blinking slowly, one eye at a time, curling your lips in the process, and sticking out your tongue. Batman noticed Hulk doing this and started feeling very awkward in his seat. Spiderman leaned over to Hulk, and whispered "Honey, psst, say 'I do.'" Hulk was now doing the signal for 30 seconds while everyone was staring. Batman looked over at Robin and winked, who giggled in return. Hulk noticed, and started to lose confidence about Batman sweeping him off his feet. Hulk then gave up, and wasn't quite sure what to do.

The priest was getting annoyed. "JUST SAY 'I DO," DAMN IT." He stopped for a minute and coughed. "Oops, pardon my French..." That was the last straw. Hulk finally snapped. He pushed Father Fury over, who swore at least 7 times before hitting the ground, grabbed a random microphone from nowhere, and started tearing up. "EVERYONE. I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT." The crowd looked confused and a little worried. "I CANT GO THROUGH WITH THIS MARRIAGE!" The entire church gasped, except Joker, who didn't care in the least, and Batman, who was bored out of his mind, confused about what was going on. "I CANT, BECAUSE I...I...I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM!" And Hulk threw his finger up at Batman, but the entire church was confused even further. To everyone else, Hulk had pointed at an old man, sitting in front of Batman. Spiderman was ANGRY**(or PISSED?)**. He ran jumped over to the old man, and started to beat him up, screaming "WHAT THE F*CK, WHY DOES MY HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS LOVE YOU?! AND NOT MEEEEEE?" Spiderman was screaming in his face. "WHY TELL ME WHHHYYYY?!"

As Spiderman was wailing on some poor old man, Hulk was still up on the alter, watching. "Uh, no...it's...batman...um, spiderman, that's...hey, spiderman..." He was trying to stop this poor man from being beaten any longer, but before he could get down or anyone could get any closer, a soaking wet, crap covered Thor hobbled into the church. Everyone stopped for a minute. Thor observed what was taking place, and attacked Spiderman, screaming "GET OFF MY GRANDPA!" Thor tackled him to the ground, into another Superhero, who accidently slapped another one, and in less than 2 minutes, an all-out brawl had started, with Father Fury refereeing. Everyone in the church aside from Robin was taking part in this brawl, as he was standing on his chair, looking scared and cute, trying to keep his dress clean. Spiderman pounced Batman in the confusion, and they start going at it. Superman saw this and was running over to help Batman, starting to scream "GET THE FUCK OFF MY BOYFRIEND!" But before he could get there, Aquaman swooped in on a vine, and kidnapped Superman. Joker attempted to rescue Superman by grabbing his foot, but was pulled along.

Hulk was watching all this travesty, and started to say "STOP STOP, NO, DON'T KILL EACH OTHER!" While his makeup was running. He didn't know what to do, and ran out of the church, and started to hitch-hike. It didn't take very long, but he eventually got picked up. He neglected to check who was driving, and just screamed "DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE!" The spider, who was driving, lit a cigar, and said "Sure thing, baby, I know a few cheap hotels."

Meanwhile, back at the brawl, Batman was dodging Spiderman's pillows, when he noticed Robin fanning himself off with his dress, which continuously revealed his panties. The crowd looked pleased. BATMAN HAD TO DO SOMETHING. HE HAD TO STOP THIS! He was about to rush over to Robin, when he got hit by a cow, and was pounced by Spiderman.

After all the senseless violence was over, everyone just went home. Pretty much every person was covered in some kind of injury. Batman was one of the first to leave. He grabbed Robin, threw him over his shoulder, and just got in the car and drove home. At home, Batman made Robin promise to never let Batman go to another wedding ever again. Ever.

Spiderman, however, walked home in the rain, alone, with his new outfit all torn up and ripped. He walked inside, hoping to see his love waiting for him on the couch, naked. Nope, his love wasn't there. Instead, Aquaman was laying on the couch naked, with a potato chip bowl covering his junk. Spiderman just waved and walked to his room. He sat down for a minute, but then burst into sobs. "WHAT DID I DO WRONG?" He curled up in a ball. "I loved Hulk with all my heart and soul..." Spiderman got up and looked in his closet for a shoe big enough to kill himself with. He found the biggest one, and started hitting himself in the head with it. "DIE DAMN IT! WHY WONT I DIIEEE?!" But eventually, he knocked himself out, while memories of him and Hulk floated through his mind. Memories of him, Hulk...and Batman... He remembered Hulk always gazed at Batman...He thought it was because Batman still had food on his face or something. But no...Hulk was staring at Batman, because he wanted to be more than friends with Batman...

Spiderman started to get angry...and the only thing he could think about was making Batman miserable... He remembered how Batman was staring at Robin the entire time during the wedding. Batman must like Robin... or better, love... Spiderman then got a master plan. "BAMAN STOLE MY FIANCEE," He started while waking up. "I'M GONNA TAKE HIS BOY-TOY!"

**Auntie Honeydew sends her regrets to all those who don't get to hear from her anymore. AKA everyone.  
**

**-Grandma TyperMonkey  
**


	8. Chapter 7

A few days after the wedding, or attempted wedding, anyways, Bruce was sitting in the kitchen reading the newspaper about a missing Hulk while he's waiting for breakfast. He was wondering where his dear Robin was. Bruce had been waiting nearly 4 minutes for his breakfast, and started to wonder what the crap was taking so long. While in the background, Alfred was currently having a fight with aquaman for the frying pan. This was a bloody battle going on between the two. Bruce's tummy rumbled. HE CANT WAIT THIS LONG FOR BREAKFAST. And there was no Robin here to be waiting with him. Bruce was missing Robin...he hadn't seen him all morning... A tear rolled down his face as he whispered "Oh, Robin, why you no come to breakfast? Do you hate me? Did I make you angry?"

Meanwhile, upstairs, Robin was actually in the bathroom, on the toilet. But there was no toilet paper, so he'd been trapped up there all morning, calling for help. Too bad the bathroom was soundproof. Ever since the wedding incident, Robin DEMANDED bathrooms to be soundproofed. Robin had considered using his hand, or maybe a towel...if Batman were to ask, he'd blame it on Alfred. No, wait, that would be rude of Robin. So he'd just wait.

Bruce couldn't wait any longer. He flipped the table over, shouting "ROBIN my love, WHERE ARE YOU?" He walked past the war going on in the background and hobbled upstairs, calling for his love. He hobbled to Robin's room, only to find NOTHING. Bruce panicked, and started running around the room, screaming "ROBIN ROBIN, MY LIL ANGEL, WHERE ARE YOU?!" He looked in Robin's closet, taking his time to smell all the clothes, but NO ROBIN. He panicked even more, and was in tears. He looked under all the pillows, then under the bed only to hear a sound. "BATMAN IS THAT YOU?" The sweet voice of his lil angel is coming from under the bed. BATMAN GASPED. "THE BED ATE MY PRINCESS. DON'T WORRY DICKY I'M COMING! Stay calm."

In the bathroom, Robin couldn't wait any longer. He got up off the toilet, left his pants down, since he couldn't wipe, and waddled out of the bathroom. He hoped no one saw him while he searched for toilet paper. He was waddling through the hallways of Wayne Manor, when he heard Batman's voice. "ROBIN, MY LIL ANGEL, WHERE ARE YOU?!" Robin waddled over to his room and spotted Batman halfway under his bed. "Batman?" Robin hobbled into his room with his pants still down and his bum un-wiped. "DICKY? DICKY ARE YOU NEARBY? DICKY PLEASE DON'T PANIC, I'M COMING FOR YOU!" Bruce had even more motivation to crawl even further under the bed. "WAIT, BATMAN, I'M RIGHT HERE!" Robin grabbed Batman's buns, and tried to pull Batman out from under the bed. Bruce felt hands on his ass. BUT NOT JUST ANY HANDS. The soft hands of a lil angel. "Dicky's hands are on my booty." Bruce thought to himself, and got a nose-bleed. "Uh, yeah, Robin, I'm stuck, can you pull harder and get me out of here?" Robin shrugged, and started to pull with full force, while Bruce was trying to clean himself up. But Bruce spotted one of Dick's socks, and started to sniff it. Mmmm. But then Robin's super-strength pulled him out. Bruce came out from under the bed with a "pop" and saw Dick. "DICKY YOU'RE ALIVE!" And he pounced Robin with a hug and cuddled him. "DON'T YOU EVER LEAVE MY SIDE AGAIN!" Robin, however, was just confused. "Batman, why were you under my bed?" Bruce felt silly, since Dick obviously wasn't there. "OH, here, Dicky, I found your sock." Bruce turned around and sniffed it one more time before handing it back to Robin. "HOLY MATRIMONY, thanks Batman. And it was a fabulous moment between the two, until Bruce looked down to see Dick's pants pulled down around his ankles. His shirt was long enough to make him decent enough, but Bruce still got a nose bleed, and asked "Rooobiiin, did you pull your pants down because you wanted to have a naked tea party with me?" Robin was embarrassed about the real reason, so he just nodded. "OKAY! LET'S GO!" And Batman ripped off his clothes. "Get on my back, Robin. We will take this naked tea party to the kitchen for breakfast." Robin jumped on his back and they zoomed to the kitchen.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Spiderman's apartment, a sobbing spiderman is in the corner, on his laptop, stalking Hulk's facebook page. Only to find his love "In a realtionship" with Batman. SPIDERMAN SCREAMED AND SOBBED INTO HIS HULK PLUSHIE. "WHY DO YOU LOVE HIM?! WHY WONT YOU LOVE MEEEE?!" Spiderman strangled his plush. After a while, Spiderman's tears turned to RAGE. And he started to troll Batman's facebook wall, and spamming it with pictures of fat dudes, and Batman would be like "Do not want D: " when he received the pictures.

At this time at the Wayne Manor, Batman was carrying his lil bride and joy around the mansion in a bridal carry, never wanting to let him go. Batman doesn't want his Robin to get lost ever again, he almost lost him once, to the bed, he couldn't handle losing him again. So, from now on, he has to make sure he doesn't get lost. He shall hold him in his strong arms. Robin was so delicate, Batman was sure he could snap his bones in two just by touching them. Batman was just staring at Robin's milky white skin...he wanted to lick it. So he did. Robin felt something on the back of his neck, and screamed like a small child, which scared Batman, causing him to drop Robin. Robin panicked, and ran, screaming "RUN, BATMAN! IT'S GONNA COME FOR YOU!" Batman felt so ashamed. He ran after Robin, searching for his love that got away. He ran to the stairs, but tripped over a speck of dusts, and fell down them. Batman landed on his butt, and whined for 5 full minutes. After he was finished, he put a Robin band-aid on his bottom and continued the search.

When he reached the kitchen, he saw Alfred and Robin and a drunk Alfred playing an extreme game of strip poker. So far, Robin was still fully clothed, but Alfred was in his white undies. Batman twitched. His lil angel's eye are looking at that man un-clothed. THE ONLY MAN HE CAN LOOK AT IN THE NUDE IS ME! BATMAN RAN IN SCREAMING "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" Alfred screamed and hid under the table. Batman zoomed in and grabbed Robin, saving him from that horrible game of poker. Robin was whining about how he was winning. Batman was putting a bunch of objects in front of Alfred, so that Robin couldn't look at him. "THAT'S IT, ROBBY-POO. YOU AND I ARE GONNA SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER." Robin got all excited, saying "OMG, WHERE BRUCEY?! DISNEY LAND? THE MALL?!"

"NOPE." Batman said. "We're going to the park, since it's a bootyfull day, the grass smells green and the birds are singing happy tunes~" Robin got up and looked outside. Batman was right, it was a nice day. "Just smell that lawn, Robin." Batman got down on all fours and started smelling the grass. Batman was wagging his butt around while he sniffed the yard while Robin just stared at Batman's fanny. He blushed and looked away. Batman got up suddenly. "Well, ya ready, Dicky?" He said. "How are we gonna get there?" Robin asked. "Limo? School bus? ...White windowless van? ROCKET SHIP?"

"Once again, Dicky, you're wrong." Batman ran to the garage and pulls out a bicycle-built-for-two. Robin looked at the bicycle. "Holy Bikes, Batman! That sure looks complicated!" He got close to the bike and sniffed it. "Are you sure you know how to ride this thing?" Batman watched as Robin sniffed the bike, and got excited, thinking "OMG he's sniffing the bike I ride to work every day so that means he's sniffing me scent~" Batman lifted Robin up onto the backseat of the bike, who gleefully asked "Are we really going to the park, Batman?" Batman thought about it for a second. "Well I waaassss going to take you to dinner and straight up date-rape you," he thought in his head, but then he noticed how happy his lil Dicky-poo was. "But since you like the bike so much, I guess we can actually go to the park." Batman leaned over and strapped a My Little Pony helmet on Robin's precious head. "Yay!" Robin screamed. Batman thought how adorable his lil soldier looked, and tickled his tummy. Robin giggled like a small kitten and threw his arms up in the air like a toddler, obviously with no knowledge of how to ride the bike. Batman was gazing at Robin~ But then snapped back into reality, and pranced over to his part of the bike. He turned and asked Robin with a singsong voice "Where are we going~?" And clapped three times. Robin was confused by this reference. "Batman, we're going to the park…"

"How are we going to get there if you forgot already?" He asked with a scared face. Batman nodded and asked again, "WHERE ARE WE GOING~" And clapped again. Robin was terrified. "The…park?" It may have sounded like just random questions to Robin, but in Batman's mind there was music playing and small animals dancing and joy everywhere while the tune played everywhere.

Batman and Robin were pedaling to the park humming tunes, enjoying the fresh air and each other's company, but little did they know, someone was following them, and not just anyone; Spiderman, wearing the best disguise ever, a poofy beard and giant sunglasses (over his mask). He was pedaling on his pink tricycle, ready to pounce his prey, like a wild tiger. Batman hadn't noticed, but Robin did. Robin heard a tune. Spiderman had been whispering "The itsy bitsy spider." It sent chills down Robin's spine. Robin tried to hold it together and not cry, and looked to his right, only to see an overgrown man with a beard and shades wearing a fat suit riding a pink tricycle. Robin tapped on Batman's shoulder to get his attention. "Batman, there is a strange man next to us." But Batman didn't listen, because he was too focused on how good the tap on the shoulder felt.

Spiderman then held up a sign threateningly, which read "Can't wait till your buns are mine~ ;D" It was supposed to have a threatening message on it, but Spiderman forgot to replace the paper. This made Robin make highly uncomfortable and concerned noises in the back of his throat, and start smacking Batman's back. "That man wants your buns, Batman!" AND THOSE WORDS SNAPPED BATMAN OUT OF HIS DAY DREAMING OF SUNSHINE RANBOWS and Robin's face. BATMAN FRANTICALLY TURNED HIS HEAD SIDE TO SIDE, SAYING "WHO WANTS YOUR DELICIOUS BUNS?" But no one was there. Spiderman had tried to hide under a white car while his butt was sticking out, but ended up tripping into an alley, where he met an estranged Aqua-man, who was also wearing a beard. Spiderman was pulled into a manhole and forced to have a tea party with Aqua-man in the sewer, until a loud bell sounded, in which Aqua-man stood on the table and screamed in Spiderman's face for a full 20 seconds then pushed Spiderman's chair into the sewer water and climbed away on a rope that came out of nowhere, leaving Spiderman behind, alone, sobbing, confused and wet. Until Aqua-man slithered back on the ground quickly and snatched Spiderman's shoes and disappeared again. Spiderman sobbed more and climbed out of the sewer quickly and laid on the ground and cried for a full 5 minutes.

Batman looked at Robin, confused, and Robin looked around as well, only to find the man was gone. "OH I SEE WHAT HE'S DOING." Batman thought with a smile. "HE WANTS ME TO THINK HE'S IN DANGER OF ANOTHER MAN TAKIN' HIS FINE ASS so that way I'll be more protective." Batman then said "it's okay, Dickens, your ass is no ones." Then patted Robin's butt and thought "Except for me, of course."

When they arrived at the park, Batman was upset that all the handicapped spaces were taken, so he parked on top of a blue car in the parking lot of the convenience store next to the park. In the park, Batman insisted that Robin held his hand because he promised he would protect Robin. Once they started holding hands, Batman began to brush his thumb against the top of Robin's hand, which Robin didn't mind or notice, and he started to blush like a silly goose. He was just glad his and Batman's buns were still in their pants, where they belonged.

Suddenly, Batman had the urge to poop….but there was only a porta-potty…. He couldn't just leave Robin alone….. But it would be disrespectful to make him come in the porta-potty, and make him watch him do this thang….

THEN A STROKE OF GENIUS STRUCK BATMAN. Batman picked up and threw Robin over his shoulder - patting his butt while saying "It's okay, Dicky, you will be fine." – and put Robin down, tying him to a tree. He kissed Robin's cheek. "Don't worry, Mr. Oak Tree will protect you." Batman piled pillows around the tree, pretending they were a moat, and screamed "NO ONE CAN STEAL HIM AWAY!" while running to the bathroom. Robin sat there, tied to the tree, and waved at Batman as he ran to the bathroom.

But lil did Batman know….

Spiderman came up from behind the porta-potty and locked the door, leaving Batman trapped in the bathroom. Spiderman turned and spotted his target; a poor boy wearing a my little pony helmet tied to a tree. He threw tiger ears and a tail on and got his tiger pounce at the ready, then ran to Robin like a jungle cat. Spiderman licked his lips as he got closer to Robin, while Robin thought back to the latest My Little Pony episode. Until he noticed a ladybug on his shoulder, and a pigeon that looked at him like it was going to eat him. Robin screamed like a tough kindergartener.

The pigeon pulled out a bib fork and knife, ready to eat Robin, and the ladybug winked at him, making him very uncomfortable. Robin tried to escape, but it was no use, he knew he was going to be raped then eaten by these creatures….. The pigeon started to sprinkle Robin with salt, and Robin decided he should have just stayed inside today…. Or maybe he should've just stayed trapped on the toilet….. it would have been a better fate than this. BUT THEN THE TIGER TAIL AND EARS-WEARING SPIDERMAN SPRUNG INTO ACTION with the eye of the tiger playing in the background. HE RAN AND BIT THE PIGEON'S HEAD OFF then started screaming and crying when blood and guts came gushing out of the pigeon's neck. Spiderman spat out the head and started to wipe his tongue on the ground screaming "EW EW EW EW EW EW!" Robin saw the kitty was the hero who saved him and began to pet him. As Robin pet the majestic, heroic creature, Spiderman attempted to untie Robin with a pair of safety scissors. It was an awkward five minutes.

MEANWHILE BACK AT THE PORTA-POTTY; after 10 minutes, Batman finally finished his heroic poop of JUSTICE. The plumber that would later be called in would sadly die within seconds of entering the porta-potty. As Batman tried to open the door, he realized he couldn't. He wondered why…. little did he know he was locked in. He began to panic, because his pride and joy was out there, defenseless against the outside world. Batman began to bang against the door for 30 seconds, but got tired, so he crawled to the corner of the porta-potty and sobbed.

Spiderman had finally finished cutting the ropes like a pathetic pansy and carries his princess off in his arms. He laid Robin softly on the grass and promptly joined him, and they watch the clouds go by. Robin pointed out one that looked like a bunny, and Spiderman noticed one that was shaped vaguely like Hulk. But shaped like Hulk enough for Spiderman to shed a tear. A manly tear.

Aquaman was laying on them, naked when they weren't looking, grapes in hand, looking smexy as eva and licking his lips. The only one who noticed was Spiderman, and it sent shivers down his spine. Spiderman decided to attempt a personal conversation with Dick. "Hey, Dick, what're your hopes and dreams?" Dick thinks about it, and replies "My dream is to be swept off my feet by a masculine beast wearing a loin cloth."

"And maybe someday we'll become professional ice-dancers. With very tight clothing." Bruce starts to float into Robin's mind as he was thinking about this dream of his, and sheds a tear because of how silly it would be if Bruce would ice dance with him. But Robin snapped out of his daydreaming, saying "But it's a silly dream… I guess no masculine beast will carry me in his arms and tell me I'm the tooth paste to his smile…" Spiderman looked in his eye, telling Robin "Well, maybe I can make your dream a reality…." Robin is shocked. "Will…you be my masculine beast?" Spiderman leaned and whispered seductively "I can be anything you want me to be."

Meanwhile, back to the poor soul in the porta-potty; Bruce is sobbing in the corner. It feels like days since he's touched Robin's baby soft skin….. But it has only been 20 minutes…. Bruce made a Robin figurine out of toilet paper rollers and paper towels. He held it in his arms and sobbed, but then the porta-potty magically tipped over. Aquaman was outside, wearing a foot-ball jersey, and decided to tackle the porta-potty. It didn't work. So Aquaman snatched a woman's purse and started hitting the porta-potty, causing it to fall over. What did the porta-potty ever do to him? No one ever figured it out.

Batman gave up on all humanity and just laid there in the tipped over porta-potty. He cuddles against his home-made Robin doll, talking to it. "Shhh, shhh, it's okay, Robin…. Go back to sleep…." When suddenly a giant butcher's knife cut through the porta potty. Batman let out a horrified, sissy scream of absolute terror. Aquaman was still attempting to murder the porta-potty with any weapon he could find. Aquaman began launching children out of canons, and parents yell in terror, watching their babies being used in such a manner. Batman had no idea what was going on outside, so he continued to protect his lil bundle of joy in his arms, telling it comforting words. "It's okay, my lil Robin, shhhhh SHHHH, they won't hurt you." Batman has clearly gone insane. Aquaman threw a tantrum because he couldn't break the porta-potty. He rolled on the floor, snarling like a beast, growling at children. Aquaman grabbed one of the children in his mouth, but then spit him out five seconds later. He has calmed down. Standing up, Aquaman stood up and kicked the porta-potty. It fell into thousands of pieces. Batman noticed the walls weren't attached anymore, and he could see the light. It burned. Batman hissed at the sun and stood up, holding the toilet paper roll Robin in his arms, saying "We did it, Robin Jr. We survived." And they walked off into the sunset. BUT THEN I ALL CAME BACK TO BATMAN. HE FORGOT ALL ABOUT ROBIN. "OMG!" I LEFT MY SWEETIE PIE STRANDED, DIED TO A TREE. OMG WHAT KIND OF MOTHER AM I?" Batman panicked. He ran around the whole park frantically, looking at every tree, BUT STILL NO SIGN OF ROBIN….. Batman started to tear up and collapsed on the ground, screaming "DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!" to the sky.

Spiderman and Robin have become rather close over the past 30 minutes. They even decided to add each other on Facebook THINGS WERE GETTING SERIOUS. Spiderman saw a flower and picked it, and brushed Robin's bangs out of his face and put the flower behind his ear. Robin looked like a bootyful maiden, all graceful and elegant. Robin then felt something wet and warm munching on his hand. He turned to see Aquaman nomming on his hand. Aquaman suddenly grew sharp fangs and bit down on Robin's hand. Robin shrieked, and Aquaman hissed and crawled away. Batman had heard Robin's shriek and started running to him. Robin was crying while Spiderman was patting his back, saying "Want me to make it better?" Robin nodded, with tears in his delicate eyes. Spiderman proceeded to make it better, by kissing the wound on Robin's hand, and eventually started lick Robin's hand slowly. Robin didn't mind, because he knew Spiderman would make it all better. He didn't know it, but Robin was blushing. Batman smelled Robin; he knew he was getting closer to finding him. He spots his bundle of joy and is relieved that he is out of harm's way, but not even a second later, his jaw dropped to the floor and it remained there. Ants started to crawl into his mouth. Batman couldn't believe what was happening. Spiderman. Wearing tiger ears and a tail. Licking Robin's hand. Spiderman had finished exploring Robin's hand and suddenly yelled "TICKLE FIGHT~" and pounced Robin, ticking him all over his body. But it didn't look like that to Batman. BATMAN WAS WATCHING A TIGER MOLEST HIS STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE. THE MOSNTER IS TOUCHING….HIS BODY….. Batman twitched. THEN QUICKLY PRANCED OVER TO THE NAUGHTY KITTY AND HIS NEWFOUND VICTIM, AND TACKLED SPIDERMAN. "GET YO HANDS OFF MY HONEY BUNCHES YOU PERVERTED COW!" Spiderman was hurt. On the inside. By Batman's rude comment. Batman then tried to bite Spiderman's face off. Robin could only watch in horror as this was all taking place, thinking "Why is Brucey hurting the innocent tiger…..Why?" He wiped his tear-stained face, but suddenly was tapped on the shoulder by Aquaman, who offered him a hug. Robin didn't decline, and began to sob into Aquaman's shoulder. Before he knew it, Robin was being swung around the treetops, holding onto Aquaman by his neck. Aquaman was also wearing a loin cloth now. Robin stops screaming when he suddenly thinks "Is this the man who was supposed to sweep me off my feet in his strong arms? He has a loin cloth and everything…. He also looks like he might be a good ice-dancer." Robin started to blush. Batman and Spiderman were having a bloody tap dancing spat, with Batman screaming "YOU CANT HAVE MY ROBBINKIS."

Before anything else could happen, an elephant attached itself around Aquaman's neck, too, leaving Robin at the mercy of the behemoth's massive butt, while Aquaman approached a monkey with a pretty pink cellphone, who screamed at Aquaman for being late to the party. Aquaman threw Robin over-hand, back through the trees, where Robin landed back where he started, and noticed Spiderman and Batman were still fighting. Aquaman then flew away onto his boat, which managed to crash through the park. Batman then realized something was missing…something very important… He looked down to see if his pants were still on, AND INDEED HIS TROUSERES WERE STILL THERE. HE ALSO REALIZED THAT ROBIN WAS MISSING. HIS DICK WAS MISSING. Dick had been taken captive, as well as many other park-goers, onto Aquaman's pirate ship, just so the crew could have them walk the plank. Batman hadn't noticed, and ran around the park, asking all the parents if they had seen his Dick. He received many slaps in the face, but he prevails, and continues to search for his lost Dick. Spiderman, however, spotted Robin about to walk the plank while Aquaman laughed like a chipmunk wearing a tube top and a big ass pirate hat. Spiderman grabbed the nearest ladder, and started to shout to Robin. "ROBIN, I'M HERE. JUMP INTO MY ARMS I'LL PROTECT YOU, BABY." Lovey-Dovey songs played in the background on an old cassette player that didn't seem to belong to anyone. Robin didn't know if he should. The wind blew through Spiderman's long, lush, brown wig, making Robin blush. Robin closed his eyes, and walked off the plank, dramatically, and Spiderman reached out to catch him with open arms. Everyone taken captive on the boat also threw themselves off at that moment. Spiderman was able to catch all of the screaming children…..except Robin.

Robin landed on a man in a pink flowered dress, wearing a lovely sun hat, who kinda looked like Superman….. All Robin could hear were screams coming from a man wearing a smashing black tux and a big blonde afro, who kinda looked like the Joker…. The man with the afro started to throw turnips at poor Robin, screaming "GET OFF MY WIFE." Robin ran away, searching for Batman. Little did Robin know that Superman and Joker were there spying on Batman, and plotting Robin's death. Robin spotted Batman, and ran up to him from behind and hugged him. Batman turned around, and Robin sees that it's actually Spiderman, wearing a Batman mask, over his Spiderman mask. Robin is confused, but then the man removes the Batman and Spiderman mask to reveal another Batman mask, and Robin realizes that it was just Bruce the whole time. Robin hugged Batman again, who hugged him back briefly, but was utterly sick of the park and the freaks who showed up here, so he took Robin to the parking lot, where they got on their bike, Batman put Robin back in all his gear, and they rode home without even a single glance back. Batman finally remembered that he HATES the park.


End file.
